One Day Mario Woke Up
by i didnt write this
Summary: this cannot be summarized. you just have to read it. caution: disgusting.


editors note: potty time wrote this in about 500 parts from about 2006-2009. the formatting is as horrible as the story but you can read it.

one day mario woke up and decided to take a shit because hey he's mario. so mario went up to yoshi and said "yoshi i want you to be my shitter" and since yoshi was mario's bitch he opened his mouth. mario pulled down his stained briefs and began to shit in yoshi's mouth. yoshi was forbidden to express any emotions but at this moment he was feeling very aroused. mario's face turned red as he grunted and strained to push his log of shit out of his ass. he farted and little shit particles flew into yoshi's eyes. yoshi's eyes teared up, not from the pain of the shit particles nor from the paint-peeling stench coming from mario's unwashed ass, but from the sheer ecstasy of being mario's shitter. mario noticed this and began to grunt harder, teasing the horny beast. mario noticed that yoshi was fiddling around with his dino-wiener, which had become quite erect. "stop that this instant" commanded mario, noticing his own 2-incher was growing hard as well. yoshi whined and reluctantly lowered his hands. with a final grunt and a smelly fart, mario's log of shit finally dropped from his ass into yoshi's mouth. mario turned around and watched as yoshi chewed the shit log. "eat it bitch. eat it all" said mario. yoshi pretended he hated doing this so much but his throbbing wiener and moans of joy told mario otherwise. "swallow it" ordered mario but yoshi didn't want to swallow it yet. he wanted to savor the shit. "SWALLOW IT RIGHT NOW" screamed mario as he began wang-slapping yoshi across the face. mario, hands on his hips, thrust his pelvis from side to side across yoshi's face, punishing the naughty dinosaur. "YOU DO WHAT MARIO TELLS YOU" he screamed. after about fourty wang-slaps his wiener started to become sore so he stopped. by now the shit log had gone down yoshi's throat. "eggulate" he ordered. yoshi strained and produced an egg. inside this egg contained what was previously his shit log. mario walked over to his shelf and placed it with the others. he had hundreds possibly thousands of these shit-eggs. he planned to use these against bowser the next time he kidnapped peach. now there was only one thing left to do. mario bent over and pointed his ass at yoshi who immediately knew what to do. he began to use his tongue to clean mario's shitty ass. mario couldn't hold it back. his peener let loose with some "italian ranch dressing." this brought yoshi to an orgasm as well. with both their wieners pleasantly limp and tingling they continued with the cleaning process. "don't forget to thorougly clean the dingleberries from the hairs" mario advised. yoshi obeyed his master. ten minutes later mario decided he was clean and put his clothes back on. now it was luigi's turn with yoshi. "yo luigi i got him warned up for you" mario called as he walked out of the yoshi room. luigi walked in past him with a sly smile under his mustache and carrying an apple and a hot wheels car. "hello yoshi guess what time it is again" he said in a low voice as he locked the door behind him. mario walked out into the kitchen ignoring yoshi's squeals of pain and joy, and poured himself a bowl of cereal. unfortunately he had forgotten to purchase milk, but he could improvise. he took out his wiener and peed into his cheerios. mario sat down in front of the tv and began to eat his cheerios and pee while periodically scratching his balls. "hey these cheerios and pee aren't half bad" mario said out loud and contemplated having another bowl before he realized that he was all out of pee. luigi had now returned, panting and sweating. "yo luigi let me borrow some of your pee" said mario as he pointed the bowl at luigi's crotch. "gee mario i don't know what you would want with my pee but sure" said luigi as he unzipped his overalls. luigi filled mario's bowl but still had some more pee left in him. he took this opportunity to mark his territory around the house. first he peed on his side of the couch then he peed on his chair at the dining table. he only had a little pee left so he had to make this last one count. he looked around the room and spotted his brother. he ran up and peed on mario, marking him as his own. "no one else can have you!" shouted luigi. mario "accidentally" got some of luigi's pee in his mouth. mario and luigi finished eating their cheerios with pee and decided to go for a walk in the park. they hooked yoshi up to his leash and took turns raping him during the walk to the park. by the time they arrived at the park all three of them were tuckered out and decided to just shit in the shade of the big oak tree. it seemed like today was going to be another peaceful day. however no one seemed to notice the eyes peering at them from inside the nearby bushes. mario heard a rustle in the bushes. "who's there" he called out but there was no answer. "i'm warning you. you better show yourself. i got a dick and i know how to use it" he threatened while thrusting and pointing at his dick. luigi and yoshi were now getting into position too, thrusting and pointing at their own dicks. "you got till the count of three to come out" said mario. "one" mario and luigi unzipped their overalls. "two" they pulled out their quivering dicks. "THREE" mario, luigi, and yoshi all leaped into the bushes, thrusting their dicks around. no one had any idea whether or not they were dicking the person in the bushes or just each other. there were many shouts and the occasional giggle. this went on for ten minutes before mario took charge and threw everyone out of the bushes. mario stepped out too and looked at the pile of sweat, semen, and shit covered bodies in front of him. mario looked down at the man in front of him with a look of disgust on his face. "nevermind guys it's just that fat faggot wario" he said as luigi stood up and straightened his hat. "hey fuck you mario" said wario, wiping a bit of feces out of his mustache. "i'm not the one who goes around raping people." mario smirked as he watched the lump in wario's crotch start to grow larger. wario shifted his legs to try and hide the growing bulge but it was too late. luigi and yoshi had already noticed and were smirking as well. yoshi's wiener twitched. wario eyed it with apprehension, the bulge growing a little more rapidly now. wario was sweating, his heart beating rapidly. yoshi licked his lips. suddenly a gust of wind blew wario's hat off behind him. "aren't you going to bend over and pick it up wario" asked mario with an evil grin. wario turned around and bent over to pick up his hat. he gave his ass a little shake as he did so and yoshi couldn't hold back anymore. he ran forward and shoved his now fully erect peener straight into wario's ass, ripping a hole through his overalls and underwear. wario gasped and tried to resist at first. "don't fight it" said mario in a soothing voice "just relax and enjoy it. i have trained yoshi well" at this point a large group of toads had gathered to the scene. the toads closed in and formed a circle around the two fuckers. after any particularly deep thrusts by yoshi the toads would erupt with cheers. the toads started becoming aroused and began rubbing themselves. yoshi began thrusting harder and faster while wario had his 8-incher out and was stroking it. this pleased the toads who began throwing coins at the two in between stroking their own peeners. mario and luigi were quickly pocketing all the coins they could. the toads dropped their pants and started jacking off furiously while wario groaned and screamed and jacked himself off as yoshi continued pounding his ass. wario had now ripped off all his clothes and his sweaty body glistened in the sun, his rolls of fat jiggling with every thrust. wario was red in the face and a small trickle of blood seeped from his anus but he paid no attention. the toads were shrieking in ecstasy as they rubbed their tiny wangs, watching the spectacle before them. a good thirty minutes of ass-fucking and off-jacking had already passed by now. mario gave the signal to yoshi (scratching his balls and sniffing his finger three times) telling him to wrap it up. yoshi got the signal and started pounding wario at a much faster rate. the toads and wario increased their jacking off speed as well. the toads yelled and shrieked as their wieners were starting to become raw and chafed but they couldn't stop. they knew in a few seconds it would all be over and there would be quite a mess. at the exact same instant everyone ejaculated. yoshi let loose his semen in wario's ass and wario's testicles released their contents onto the ground as all the toads aimed their little wieners up into the air. strings of toad-semen streamed out of their wieners into an arc and collided in one spot in the air before raining down on yoshi and wario. this all happened in less than a second but to wario it seemed like one blissful eternity. he and yoshi laid sprawled out on the ground covered in sticky semen and panting, yoshi's now flaccid wiener still in wario's hairy ass. mario wiped little droplets of semen from his mustache as he surveyed the situation. luigi ran up to yoshi and pulled him out of wario's ass and began cleaning the semen off of him while a bottle of lotion was being passed around amongst the toads to soothe their chafed and aching cocks. the toads were chatting excitedly and mario smiled as he heard some of them saying that this was the best performance yet. "uh mario we got a problem here" luigi whispered. mario looked over and saw the naked wario twitching on the ground and making nonsensical noises. the toads gave one last cheer to mario and then dispersed. mario went over to wario and attempted to slap some sense into him. after a couple hard whacks across the face with mario's wang wario woke up. he pushed mario out of the way and ran straight to yoshi's cock. he began tugging on the cock and shouting "MORE MORE MUST HAVE MORE WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANG" but try as he might the dinosaur's cock could not be aroused. mario and luigi pulled wario away from yoshi. "RAAAAAHHHH ME WANT WANG ME WANT WANG RIGHT NOWWWWWW" "snap out of it faggot" said mario but it didn't work. he was then struck with an idea. he had seen someone on tv throw water on another person to bring them to their senses. mario had no water but he had the next best thing: pee. "hey if it works as milk it'll work as water" thought mario remembering his bowl of cheerios earlier in the morning. he grabbed his dick and peed on wario's face. wario stopped screaming for wangs and started spitting as mario's stream entered his mouth. "yo wtf" said wario. "stop going pee on me" said wario letting more urine go into his mouth although he made no effort to stop it. mario's stream had come to a stop and he flicked the last few drops onto wario's face. "can you remember anything that happened" asked mario. "yeah you dumbass any man would remember getting fucked up the ass by a yoshi while a bunch of toads jacked off in a circle" then suddenly the pain hit him "OH MY ASS OH GOD IT HURTS SO BAD OWWWWW OW OW OW" mario chuckled "yeah 30 minutes of ass-fucking will do that to ya" the koopas and goombas began arriving to the area. koopas and goombas feed on nothing but semen, urine, and fecal matter. there wasn't much fecal matter and only a little bit of urine but there was quite a bit of semen and the beasts were ready to take their fill. yoshi was flicking semen off of himself for some baby goombas while luigi playfully pissed on a group of koopa paratroopas. mario watched the feeding frenzy for a while before turning to wario. "you might want to get cleaned up wario" he said "they're going to sense the semen on you and start attacking." at this exact moment one of the goombas sniffed the air and caught a whiff of semen-drenched wario. "oh shi-" the goomba chased after wario trying to get to the semen and feces mixture in his butt. "HELP ME" screamed wario but no one helped him. however this caught the attention of some other goombas and koopas who also joined the chase for wario's ass. "damn it go away you fuckers" wario said to them but they didn't listen. then he came up with an idea. he grabbed his wang and started rubbing it in an attempt to ejaculate and get them to go after the semen and not his ass. "good thing i'm a professional speed-jacker" thought wario. within two minutes he ejaculated on the ground and ran in the other direction. "WARIO NOOOOOOOOOO" screamed mario. some of the more stupid goombas and koopas went for the semen but the rest stayed still. their tiny and feeble brains were trying to make sense out of what they just saw. the fat man just shot food out of the thing between his legs. it could be assumed that the man could shoot more food out for them. the goombas and koopas began chattering wildly, communicating their newfound knowledge of how to gain food. they charged at wario, their sights on his dangling wiener. "mario what's wrong" luigi asked noticing the worried expression on mario's face. mario sighed. "i was afraid of this" he said "the koopas and goombas, although stupid, are capable of learning if what they are learning is not too complex. when wario jacked off just now to lure them away some of them were able to figure out that semen comes from penises" luigi gasped. meanwhile wario was trying to fend off the creatures. more of them had joined the group and were attempting to surround wario. "YO SOMEONE HELP ME" he screamed but no one helped him. wario was starting to get worried. the goombas and koopas are usually easy to handle but they can be quite troublsome in large numbers and wario had a good dozen of them coming in on him right now. the other koopas and goombas were now making their way over to wario as well. no one was coming to help him. "YEAH FUCK YOU GUYS" he screamed. the koopa paratroopas were the first to reach him. they dive-bombed on him going straight for the peener. wario just barely managed to dodge them as they crashed into the ground. pools of blood formed underneath them as they lay on the ground twitching wario had one hand over his cock to protect it and was punching away goombas with the other. however he was soon overpowered. he had goombas and koopas on all sides of him and paragoombas and koopa paratroopas coming in on him from the air. koopas were clawing at his cock and goombas were trying to force their way up his ass to get to the feces. all this stimulation was beginning to turn wario on. a microgoomba had entered his ass and was crawling around the microgoomba in wario's ass had made contact with his prostate and wario's dick went from flaccid to erect in .6 seconds. this sudden size increase scared the koopas and goombas and they all jumped back staring intently at the dick. wario took this opportunity to attack. he spun around in a circle hitting them with his dick and knocking them away. he was about to start punching them when suddenly the microgoomba hit his prostate again and he dropped to his knees and started furiously masturbating. mario turned to luigi and yoshi. "this is what we gotta do" he said "these goombas and koopas are the only ones that know about the source of the semen. we have to make sure that they do not leave and inform any others. we have to kill these ones or else they could rise up against us" he pulled out two fire flowers and handed one to luigi. they both then shoved the flowers up their asses to activate the power. then all three of them charged forward to where the goombas and koopas were once again advancing on the masturbating wario. mario gave hand signals to luigi and yoshi to split up. luigi went to the left as yoshi went to the left and mario kept going forward towards wario. a koopa paratroopa was in a dive bomb straight for wario. mario threw a fireball at it just before it hit mario. the paratroopa burst into flames and fell to the ground in front of wario who promptly splooged on it. a group of six hungry goombas swarmed in and gobbled up the semen and the paratroopa. wario's wiener went limp but immediately became hard again as the microgoomba in his ass continued stimulating his prostate. "damn it wario will you stop jacking off" said mario as he threw fireball after fireball to guard wario. "i can't help it" panted wario "there's something crawlin around in my ass and it feels sooooooo goooooood" he moaned and a smile crossed his face. meanwhile yoshi was eating up goombas, laying eggs, and passing them over to luigi who caught them and threw them at the paratroopas with one hand while fending off ground koopas by throwing fireballs with his other hand. five minutes later the park was covered in smoke and the smell of semen and burning bodies and anal sex was ripe in the air. all of the koopas and goombas had been killed by now except for one: the microgoomba in wario's ass. wario was rolling around on the ground jacking off as the little critter moved around in his ass. mario although angry couldn't help but admire wario's endurance. he had been through a half hour of butt-fucking by yoshi, orgasmed three times within the last hour, and yet he was still masturbating. "WARIO QUIT SPANKING YOUR MONKEY" mario screamed. "no" said wario. mario produced a fireball in his hand and held it close to wario's wang. "ok ok i'll stop" he said as his wang became flaccid. mario looked down at wario's wang and shuddered. "wario look at your wang man it's all red and dried out. there is a limit to how many times a man should jack off in one sitting and you have passed that limit." wario winced as the euphoria of the anal stimulation was wearing off. his wang, his poor wang was aching. his balls were aching too from the stress of outputting so much semen. but somehow it all seemed worth it. "alright now we have to get the last goomba out of your ass" said mario "bend over and i'll pull it out" wario pushed him away. "you're not sticking your hand up my ass you might shoot a fireball" he said while covering his asshole. he squatted down over the ground and grunted. he strained and groaned and screamed in pain. "you need to eat more fiber" said luigi as he and yoshi walked up and watched wario trying to shit out the microgoomba. luigi walked around behind wario. "i can see it!" he exclaimed. mario and yoshi ran over to join him. sure enough the little goomba's head was sticking out of wario's asshole. wario drew in a breath and gave a hearty push. with a loud fart the goomba fell out of his ass along with a sizable chunk of poop and some semen. mario picked up the microgoomba and examined it. "it appears to have suffocated inside wario's ass" he said, engulfing it in flames to make sure it was really dead. he turned to wario who was still shitting on the ground. "wario you probably shouldn't jack off for a couple days" said mario "give your dick some time to heal and your testicles some time to produce more sperm" wario finished shitting then used his hat to wipe his ass. as he placed it back on his head he said "i'll jack off as much as i want" mario just shrugged and motioned to luigi and yoshi that it was time to leave. as he was about to leave he turned to wario and flicked a spark onto his pubes. he turned away and walked off down the path as wario's screams faded into the background when they arrived back home that evening the first thing mario did was get naked. he peeled off his sticky, shitty, semeny briefs and sighed. he went over and stood in front of the fan to air out his genitals. soon the whole house was full of the smell of mario's dirty balls. yoshi's wang perked up but mario scolded him. "no yoshi" he said "you had a long day full of fucking and jacking off not to mention the battle. you remember what happened the last time you used your wang too many times." yoshi gulped. he certainly did remember. his wang was so swollen that he couldn't fit it up anyone's ass for a whole week. he sighed and his dick became soft again. mario sat at his desk and started counting the coins he and luigi had gathered from the toads during that afternoon's performance. the total added to be $439 which was better than last week's performance by a considerable amount. "hey luigi" he called out to his brother who was busy cooking dinner in the kitchen "we made so much money we can afford to buy some new underwear finally." luigi cheered. both brothers were down to one pair each, the pairs they were wearing. coupled with luigi's bedwetting and mario's irritable bowel syndrome their briefs were not looking pretty. luigi came out of the kitchen ten minutes later and placed dinner on the table. "tonight we are having chicken mcnuggets with my special sauce" said luigi with a giggle "and for dessert we are having some smarties i found" mario walked up and sat down at the table. yoshi eyed luigi's sauce and licked his lips. "no yoshi bad boy" said luigi "here is your food" and he handed yoshi a plate with a nice steaming shit log on it. "fresh from the factory" said luigi, patting yoshi on the head. yoshi ran off to eat his dinner behind the couch while luigi joined mario at the table. "luigi how old are these mcnuggets" asked mario, closely examining his half-eaten mcnugget. "well the last time we had mcdonald's was a month ago so it's at least that old" said luigi as he dipped his mcnugget in his sauce. "well it's not half bad" mario said "your sauce is especially tasty today too" luigi beamed with pride. "would you like some more" he asked. mario nodded and handed luigi his sauce container. "no wait mario" said luigi, unzipping his fly "i want to see if i can hit it from here" luigi pulled out his already hard dick and started stroking it. mario held his sauce container close to luigi's dick. "no mario move it back farther i think i can get it" he said. yoshi heard the sounds of luigi jacking off and came into the room. he watched luigi jack off for a few seconds then moved toward his dick. "sorry yoshi this isn't for you" luigi said. yoshi's head drooped and he walked off into the other room but he peeked his head around the doorway to watch. luigi was jacking off faster now. "get ready mario" he said. mario held up the sauce container. luigi moaned and his eyes went back in his head. a wide smile crossed his face. "HERE I GOOOOOOOOOOOO" he yelled as he splooged/ his splooge traveled in an arc and came down right into mario's sauce container. mario applauded his brother "good job little bro" he said, dipping a mcnugget into the sauce. luigi smiled, panting. "best aim this side of the mississippi" he said. they both finished their chicken mcnuggets and luigi brought out the smarties for dessert. "oh no" he said "there's five smarties. we can't divide these evenly" he looked at mario with tears in his eyes. mario thought hard for a few seconds then came up with an idea. "we'll play the boner game" said mario "winner gets the last smartie" the rules of the boner game are quite simple: the loser is the person who gets a boner first. luigi unzipped his overalls and pulled out his cock while mario being still naked just gripped his. yoshi once again came running into the room, looking happily from one cock to the other. "yoshi no interfering. we're playing the boner game" said mario. yoshi started crying. there were cocks out and semen on the table but none of it was for him. he ran out of the room crying and peeing. mario started the countdown "3, 2, 1, BONER" and the game was on. they both sat there for five minutes before luigi made the first move. he moved his wiener around in a clockwise motion. "follow my wiener as it rotates" he said in his best hypnotist voice "you are getting horny. very horny." he looked down at mario's wiener but it wasn't working. "sorry luigi but it's gonna take more than that to give me a boner" said mario with a smug grin on his face. luigi stopped rotating his wiener and began thinking of a new course of action. mario farted and used his hands to fan the scent towards luigi. luigi got a whiff of mario's fart and sat upright and trembled. mario farted a second time and fanned the scent over to him again. luigi's cock twitched. he gasped and quickly covered his nose. mario chuckled and farted again. "ooh this was a wet one" he said. luigi's cock was starting to become hard now but it only counts as a loss if he has a full, rock-hard boner. luigi took in a deep breath to steady himself then stopped. he could taste the fart in his mouth and it tasted good. luigi's dick was slowly growing hard. he tried thinking of things disgusting to take away his boner but he couldn't. everything turns luigi on. mario meanwhile was going around the room closing the windows to trap in the scent of his farts. he went up to luigi, shoved his ass in his face, and let loose with a wet 15-second fart. luigi's face was moist and foul smelling and he loved it. he grabbed his dick and ran around the room jacking off and breathing in the farty air. mario grabbed the last smartie on the table and ate it. he savored it and relished in his victory. "luigi you know you've never beaten me in the boner game" said mario. "i knooOOOOOW" said luigi as he splooged on the carpet. yoshi came running in and licked it up before anyone could tell him not to this time. "alright yoshi it's bed time" said mario. bed time was yoshi's least favorite time of the day. bed time meant that there would be no more fucking until morning. mario dragged yoshi down the hall kicking and screaming and peeing. "yoshi shut the fuck up" ordered mario "and stop pissing everywhere" but yoshi continued on. "oh that's it" said mario as he grabbed his wang and aimed at yoshi. "it's a pee war now" he said as he shot his stream at yoshi. yoshi retaliated with a short spurt of pee directly into mario's nose. mario jumped over yoshi and peed in his butt. yoshi spun around in an attempt to get another blast in at mario but mario was quicker. mario grabbed yoshi's head and stuck his wang into his mouth and released his warm golden stream. yoshi stopped fussing and closed his eyes and purred as he drank the pee. mario called for luigi to come help him carry yoshi into his room. yoshi continued sucking on mario's wiener despite the flow of pee having stopped. they carried the dinosaur over to his bed and set him down gently. "give me the dildo" whispered mario. luigi found the dildo and handed it to mario. the dildo was an exact replica of mario's own wiener. mario held it right next to his wiener and quickly took his out and put the dildo in yoshi's mouth. yoshi squirmed for a second then became still again. mario and luigi walked out of the yoshi room and locked the door. "he sure is cute when he's sucking dicks isn't he" said luigi. mario said nothing to this. he walked over to the couch and sat down. suddenly he got a whiff of something foul. at first he thought it was just his crotch but after sniffing around for a few seconds he noticed it was coming from behind him. not from his ass but from behind the couch. he looked behind it and saw the remnants of yoshi's shit dinner. there was a good one-third of the shit left. his stomach growled. mario picked up the leftover shit and started to eat it. he couldn't believe the taste. he had tasted shit before, eaten it every now and then, but that shit was always fresh. this shit had been sitting there for a while and had hardened a bit. the outside was nice and crunchy but the inside was still a little soft. it still retained most of the flavor and had even picked up some of the flavor from his earlier farts. he contemplated sharing it with luigi then decided against it. he gobbled it all up and licked the plate clean. he made a mental note to make this dish again sometime. after watching cartoons for a while mario decided to head to bed. luigi was already sound asleep so mario quietly slipped into bed beside him. he kissed luigi on the nose and drifted off into dream land. the next morning he woke up to the bed soaking wet. "damn it luigi did you wet the bed again" said mario. luigi mumbled and rolled over. mario sighed and got out of bed, his body moist and smelling of urine. he thought about taking a shower but decided to just spray deodorant all over his body. when he got to his dick he screamed in pain as some of it went up his peehole. luigi awoke with a start and hopped out of bed assuming his fighting position. he saw mario hopping up and down holding his dick and shouting. "what's wrong" asked luigi urgently. "WHAT'S WRONG? I'LL TELL YOU WHAT'S WRONG I SPRAYED DEODORANT UP MY PEEHOLE THAT'S WHAT'S WRONG" mario shouted. luigi ran into the kitchen and got a glass of water then ran back to mario who was rolling on the floor in agony. "quick mario stick your dick in this water" luigi said. mario stuck his dick into the water which shrunk upon contact with it. "HOLY SHIT THIS IS COLD AS FUCK" mario screamed. he swirled his now very tiny dick around in the water. "how is this supposed to help me" said mario, his teeth chattering. "the cold water will numb your dick thereby taking away the pain" said luigi. mario noticed luigi was right. he couldn't feel the pain anymore but he couldn't feel his dick at all either. he didn't like this. he liked to be aware of his dick at all times. mario took his dick out of the water and cupped his hands around it to warm it up. luigi took the glass and asked "are you done with the water." mario nodded as he rubbed his dick, not to whack off but to help warm it up. luigi took a swig of the water and licked his lips. "hey mario i have invented a new beverage: dickwater" he said with a giggle. "hey give me a drink" said mario. he took a sip of the water. "hmm you could have something here" he said. then suddenly a jolt of pain shot through his dick. "AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH FUCK" mario took a few deep breaths to steady himself. "i'm gonna go take a pee and see if that helps" he said. he walked into the bathroom with luigi following him and stood in front of the toilet. "mario lift the seat" said luigi sternly. mario groaned and lifted the seat. he forced a short stream out then stopped, shrieking in pain. "AAAAHHHHHHHHH MY FUCKING WIENER THIS HURTS SO FUCKING BAD" but he gritted his teeth and forced more pee out. "RRRRRRAAAAAAAAHHH WHYYYYYYY" five long, painful minutes later mario had finally emptied his bladder. he fell to his knees panting. his cock felt better now but it still stung a little. on the other side of the house they could hear yoshi clawing at his door and yelling. yoshi had no idea what was going on but he heard his master screaming and he was scared. mario looked into the toilet at his pee. it was a different color, sort of orange. "blood" whispered mario. mario got up and walked out of the bathroom. "mario we need to get you to a doctor" said luigi. mario turned to his brother "but luigi you're forgetting i am a doctor" he said. he pointed to his stethoscope, white jacket, and the shiny thing that goes around his head that were in the corner of the room. luigi crossed his arms "mario you and i both know you're not really a licensed medical physician" but mario chose to ignore these words. he put on his doctor outfit and walked into his lab. mario gathered his chemicals and sat himself down at his lab desk. he took a test tube and began mixing chemicals. he mixed a red chemical with a bubbly clear chemical and produced a golden chemical. he stuck his dick in the concoction and giggled as a tingling feeling ran up his dick. it gave him a boner which made his dick hurt even more. he set this mixture aside for later dick-tingling when his dick wasn't in pain. mario spent the greater part of the day trying to mix up something that will heal his poor peener. he was getting mad now. "maybe luigi's right. maybe i do need a real doctor" he said, lowering his head. then he noticed his fake medical diploma on the wall and perked up. "no" he whispered "i CAN do this." in the other room luigi sat crying with yoshi on the couch "what if his peener never heals yoshi" sobbed luigi "what will we do then" yoshi tried to cheer luigi up by licking his balls but luigi was just too sad finally at exactly 1:27 a.m. mario mixed two liquids together and stuck his cock in the mixture. the pain in his cock subsided. "what the" he looked at the two liquids he mixed. one beaker read "sulfuric acid" and the other read "bowser's urine sample, 1993" mario took his cock out of the test tube and waited. the pain did not return. he pissed out a small stream and again there was no pain. "dr. mario has done it again" mario said to himself. luigi and yoshi were asleep on the couch, luigi using yoshi's nads as a pillow. "I DID IT I DID IT" mario screamed as he ran into the room with his dick hanging out. luigi awoke with a start, accidentally headbutting yoshi in the balls. yoshi shrieked in pain and fell to the ground and grabbed his poor balls. "guys i discovered the cure to my dick problem" mario said. luigi cried tears of joy and yoshi cried tears of pain. luigi got close and examined mario's wiener. "hmm looks as good as new" he said. mario squirted a bit of pee on luigi's face. "oops" said mario with a smirk. "mario this is no time to be fooling around" said luigi sternly "this time you were lucky but next time it could be worse." "yeah whatever" said mario "let's just go to bed" mario and luigi locked yoshi in his room again. this time it was easier because his balls hurt too much to put up a fight. then they stripped down and hopped into bed together. with a goodnight kiss the two brothers went to sleep. mario woke up the next day with morning wood. "well i might as well celebrate the curing of my dick" he thought to himself. luigi was still asleep and surprisingly didn't wet the bed this time so mario tried to be quiet about it. however this was the first time mario had gone 24 hours without jacking off in fourteen years and he couldn't help but squeal in delight. mario closed his eyes as he brought himself to an orgasm right into luigi's mustache. mario rubbed luigi's mustache in an attempt to get the semen out but this only made the semen seep deeper into the mustache. mario just shrugged and got out of bed and got dressed. he went into the kitchen and looked for something to eat for breakfast. like always the kitchen had very little food in it. in fact, it was empty. he looked under the fridge and found a few saltines. he sat down at the table when luigi walked in. luigi had a puzzled look on his face. "what's wrong luigi" asked mario. "i think something's wrong with my mustache" luigi said, sitting down and helping himself to a saltine "it's pretty stiff today" "maybe your mustache has a boner" said mario, although he knew the real reason was the semen that had hardened. "ha ha very funny" said luigi sarcastically and he got up to let yoshi out of his room. "MARIO HELP YOSHI'S GONE CRAZY" yelled luigi. mario got up and ran down the hall, then ran back to eat the rest of the saltines, then ran back down the hall. luigi was backed into a corner with his hands over his face while yoshi was desperately trying to get at it. "HE'S TRYING TO GET MY MUSTACHE HELP" luigi screamed. mario ran up and grabbed yoshi by the neck and started strangling him. then he kicked him in the nuts and threw him to the ground. he jumped up and body slammed yoshi a couple times and punched him in the nuts. "mario stop hurting yoshi" luigi said. mario punched yoshi a couple more times and stood up, panting. yoshi was on the ground holding his balls and crying. mario spat on yoshi and turned to luigi. "are you ok" he asked and helped him to his feet. "yes mario" luigi said. then he started crying and grabbed mario "oh mario i was so scared" he sobbed "i thought he was going to bite my mustache off or something. oh man i don't know what i would do if something happened to my mustache" mario felt uneasy. he wondered if he should tell luigi that he splooged in his mustache "luigi i have a confession to make" said mario "this morning i woke up with morning wood and decided to jack off and i accidentally splooged in your mustache. i tried to clean it but it just went deeper into your mustache. yoshi must have sensed the semen and tried to get at it" he sighed and scratched his balls. "hmm so that would explain the subtle scent of semen everywhere i go" said luigi. "don't you owe someone else an apology" said luigi. "oh yeah" said mario. he got close to luigi's mustache and said "i'm sorry sperm. i'm sure one day i will actually jizz in something that is capable of producing babies." luigi crossed his arms over his chest. "mario you know who i'm talking about" yoshi looked up at mario with tears in his eyes, clutching his balls. mario sighed and scratched his ass. he sniffed his finger and sighed again. "i'm sorry yoshi" he finally said. yoshi smiled and luigi nodded his head approvingly. mario helped yoshi to his feet and the three of them walked back into the kitchen hand in hand. yoshi's balls were starting to get swollen and he whimpered in pain as he walked. "yoshi stop being a wuss and grow some balls" said mario. "his balls are the whole reason he's in pain" said luigi. "shut up" said mario. luigi searched through the cupboards then sighed. "yo mario we gotta go to the store one of these days" he said. mario hopped on yoshi, who buckled under the immense weight of mario and slammed his balls into the floor, and commanded "to the store." yoshi stuggled to stand up and took three steps before falling to the ground again. "yoshi this is not the store. this is still our kitchen" said mario. yoshi noticed a bit of anger in mario's voice and tried his best to stand up. "mario i don't think this is gonna work" said luigi. "yoshi's just not trying hard enough" said mario and he kicked yoshi sharply in the sides. yoshi yelped and stood to his feet, wobbling a little. he kicked yoshi again and he took a few steps before stopping again. then mario noticed yoshi's ball-hair and had an idea. mario swatted the flies away from yoshi's scrotum and grabbed a hair. he yanked the hair out and yoshi howled in pain and started running full speed out the door. mario held on to yoshi as hard as he could as he ran down the street. "WATCH OUT" mario called out to a group of toad children playing, but it was too late. yoshi continued forward and trampled them, leaving bloody footprints in his wake. mario took off his hat and bowed his head in respect. "although they did deserve it for playing in the middle of the street" said mario. yoshi was now making his way through the park. they passed by the place where yoshi and wario had their anal fun. the dead koopa and goomba bodies were nowhere to be seen now and the only signs that anything had happened here were a few scorch marks on the ground. yoshi's pace was starting to slow down. mario reached down to pull out another one of yoshi's scrotum hairs but he was having a hard time. yoshi's nutsack was was moist with sweat and so were the hairs which slipped out from between mario's fingers. mario used his shirt sleeve to dry yoshi's sac and pulled out another hair. yoshi squealed and quickened his pace again. after five minutes he slowed down again and mario figured it was time for a different approach. "alright yoshi stop" mario called out. yoshi screeched to a halt and fell to the ground, panting. "we made some good progress but we're not there yet" said mario. yoshi looked wearily up at mario and shook his head before it flopped down onto the ground again. "i know what you need" said mario as he began stripping naked. mario stuck his dick in yoshi's nose and pissed. yoshi panicked at first and shook his head around to get mario's dick out but mario grabbed and stroked yoshi's head reassuringly. yoshi finally calmed down as the piss made it's way through yoshi's nose and trickled down his throat. yoshi popped a boner so fast it hit mario in the knee and he lost his balance, tumbling backwards onto the ground, his dick wildly spraying piss in all directions. yoshi helped mario to his feet and pointed at mario's wiener. "sorry yoshi i'm all out of pee" said mario. yoshi sighed and lowered his head, then perked up and pointed to mario's wiener, madking masturbation motions and opening his mouth and pointing at it. "no yoshi you don't get anything else until we get to the store" said mario as he got dressed again. mario took his time getting dressed to torment yoshi. finally he buttoned his overalls and hopped onto yoshi's back. yoshi, now fueled by pee and the prospect of semen, was able to stand underneath mario's weight and began running at full speed again. ten minutes later they approached the store. the sign on the front of the building read "birdo's bitchin store" yoshi skidded to a halt in front of the door and flopped onto the ground panting. he grabbed mario's crotch and opened his mouth. "no yoshi not know. we have to get the food" said mario. yoshi sighed and stood up and the two of them walked in. mario grabbed a cart and yoshi playfully hopped in it. "yoshi get the hell out" said mario, pushing the cart over. with a crash the cart fell to the ground and yoshi slid across the floor, knocking over a display of douches. "BAD YOSHI" screamed mario. he ran up to yoshi, his face red with anger. the whole store was now watching the two of them. "bend over" he said through clenched teeth. yoshi squealed with delight and bent over, wiggling his ass around in front of mario's crotch. what yoshi expected was not what he got. mario kicked yoshi in the ass so hard bits of poop came out. yoshi's boner died as quickly as it had sprung to life and he went sliding across the floor again, this time into the wall. mario kicked the air to flick the poop from his shoe onto some of the other shoppers. "what are you all staring at" he said "the show's over. scram. beat it" yoshi's head perked up at the words "beat it." the other customers resumed their shopping as if nothing had happened. they knew that if you fuck with mario, you get fucked. literally. "yoshi get over here" said mario and yoshi quickly got up and ran over to his master. "alright yoshi no more fooling around we're on a mission here" said mario as he started rummaging through his pockets for the shopping list. "don't tell me i forgot the shopping list" said mario as he turned his pockets inside-out and even checked underneath his nutsack. yoshi checked underneath his nutsack too and surprisingly there it was. the ink was a little smeared from sweat but it was still legible. "good boy yoshi" said mario and he gave yoshi a pat on both his heads. mario grabbed the shopping cart and yoshi resisted the urge to jump in it. they took off down the aisle to get the first item on the list: corn. the two of them walked down the corn aisle and looked over all the different types of corn. mario handed yoshi an ear of corn and said quietly "here eat this quick" yoshi obeyed this command and swallowed it in one bite. "now poop" ordered mario. yoshi happily obeyed and pushed hard and produced a smelly log of poop. mario examined the log and poked through it. "hmm a good amount of corn passed through" said mario "yes this will be fine" and he began piling corn into the cart. mario crossed corn off the list and looked at the next item while yoshi chowed down on the shit. "alright yoshi next we gotta get some laxatives" said mario and off they went down to the laxatives aisle. mario perused the different brands of laxatives and picked one out. "super pooper industrial-strength laxatives huh" he said as he stroked his chin "comes in three fun flavors: poopy peppermint, crappy cranberry, and feces fun fruit" mario thought about this before calling yoshi over and placing a crappy cranberry laxative in his mouth. yoshi stood there for a few seconds while mario stared at him. after a six seconds yoshi shrugged and mario sighed. "so much for being industrial-strength" he said. he was just about to put the box of laxatives back on the shelf when suddenly yoshi clutched his abdomen and fell to his knees. he ripped a loud fart and his asshole opened wide to let out a torrent of liquid poop. this wasn't just diarrhea which usually has a bit of texture to it. this was like water, only brown and smelly. the shitwater was beginning to form a sizable puddle on the floor. "yoshi stop" ordered mario. yoshi managed to clench his asshole shut for a few seconds but it quickly burst open sending a high-powered stream of shit four feet behind him. "YOSHI STOP" bellowed mario but yoshi just couldn't stop it. mario rushed behind yoshi and tried to force his asshole shut himself. he plunged his fist straight into yoshi's asshole. mario felt the pressure building up from within yoshi's ass. mario's felt the shitwater slowly pushing his fist outward. yoshi himself was beginning to swell up like a water balloon but with shit. mario noticed this and quickly pulled his fist out of yoshi's asshole for fear of yoshi popping. with yoshi's anus now free of blockage a high-pressured stream of shit gushed out straight into mario's chest and sending him flying backwards. yoshi was beginning to panic. he had never shat this much before and he spun around in confusion spraying the shitwater everywhere. mario got up off the ground and tried to run towards yoshi but slipped on the shitty floor and fell forward. he got up again and spat out some shit but then licked his lips and put more shit in his mouth and tried to make his way over to yoshi. yoshi was scared and confused and didn't know what to do. he pointed his ass into the air and the stream of shit flowed up and hit the ceiling fan making a shower of poop. yoshi's feces fountain began losing some of its pressure but the flow still continued on. screams could be heard throughout the store and mario was certain he could hear sirens in the distance. "yoshi we gotta get out of here man" said mario. yoshi bit his lip and pushed as hard as he can and let loose with a loud fart that sent a huge wave of diarrhea shot out of his ass. he sighed with a look of great relief on his face as a few drops of poop dripped from his asshole. with the flow of fecal matter now stopped mario and yoshi ran away from the scene of the shit but not before mario piled some boxes of the laxatives into their cart. "we gotta get as far away from here as possible" mario said. after running down a few aisles mario could still hear the sound of shit dripping. he looked over his shoulder and noticed that yoshi's anus was still leaking shit. a trail of shit stretched from the main disaster area all the way to where they were now. mario grabbed a box of tampons from the shelf and handed it to yoshi. yoshi stuffed a few of the tampons up his ass to stop his flow. he and mario continued running away towards the other side of the store when they turned a corner and found themselves face to face with a couple of cops. "whoa whoa whoa, what's the hurry kids" asked one of the officers who had a visible wet spot on the front of his pants. the other officer placed his hand on his gun and chewed his gum menacingly. mario quickly tried to think of something to say. "i asked you a question kid. quit jackin off and answer me" said the officer. "we've heard reports about a massive amount of shit somewhere in the store. you kids wouldn't happen to know anything about this would you" asked the other officer. he eyed mario and yoshi who were both covered in shit. "well now that you mention it officer there did seem to be a bit of shit in the laxative aisle" said mario "in fact that's what we were running from." the two cops glanced at each other. "alright kid why don't you take us to this laxative aisle since you seem to know so much around here" said the wet officer. "yeah sure. come on yoshi" said mario. they turned around and were about to start walking towards the shit area when the cop suddenly yelled "HOLD IT." mario and yoshi stopped moving. "what does your green friend have in his ass" asked the cop. mario started turning around when he heard the sound of a gun cocking. mario froze and said calmly "they're tampons officer." the cops slowly circled around mario and yoshi with their guns pointed at yoshi's ass. the wet cop got close and examined yoshi's ass. he gave it a sniff and drew back, gagging. the other officer went up and pulled the tampons out. they were brown, smelly, and dripping. he twirled them around a bit and little droplets of poop flew onto his face. he spat out his gum and put another stick in his mouth and said "alright kids you're coming with me" he grabbed mario and yoshi and dragged them down the aisle. the cop led them silently through the store. he took them to the tampon aisle and searched through the different brands of tampons. he found a box and handed it to yoshi. "i've found this to be the best brand of tampons to use when you got a case of the ol' wet and nasties" he said with a chuckle. mario just stood there confused. he thought he was being arrested. "go ahead try em out" the cop said to yoshi. "trust me they work great" and he pulled down his pants and turned around to show a tampon string sticking out of his ass. "johnson pull up your pants" said the other cop as he joined them, now with a bigger wet spot on his pants. he noticed mario staring at the wet spot and said "yeah i piss my pants a lot. do you want to make something of it" he pointed his gun at mario's dick. "no no no" said mario covering his dick with his hands. "alright now take us to the shit. and damn it johnson i said pull up your pants" johnson who was showing yoshi the proper technique to stick a tampon up his ass sighed and pulled up his pants. "damn would you look at all this shit" said the officer as they approached the shit zone. the wet spot on his crotch grew even larger. "hey peters you're pissing again" said johnson but peters just shrugged. he turned to mario and said "alright kid you say you didn't see who caused all this shit is that correct" mario stroked his chin and then his dick "you know now that you mention it i think i did see someone" he said. mario cleared his throat and said "i'm certain i saw a man i know named wario running away naked with shit dripping from his ass hairs." the cops huddled together to discuss this. "so we're looking at charges of public indecency, public shitting, and going unwiped" said peters. "he's probably gay too" said johnson. "yeah you'd have to be gay to do something like this" said peters as he wrote down the charges. "so that's four charges if we can confirm he's gay. he's looking at quite a few years in jail. possibly death penalty." "do you happen to know where this wario fellow lives" asked officer peters. "well actually officer i don't think wario has a home but i do know that every sunday he goes down to the library and shits in the children's reading area" said mario. that part wasn't a lie. wario has been doing that for years and hasn't been caught once. "what in the fuck" exlaimed officer johnson. "don't worry son we'll get this guy locked up behind bars" said officer peters, patting mario on the shoulder and he and officer johnson ran off to apprehend wario mario sighed and wiped the sweat off his forehead. "that was a close one" he said. yoshi sighed too and wiped the sweat off his balls. "alright yoshi let's see what's next on the list" mario said as he took the now shit covered list out of his pocket. "uhhh" he turned the list around and flipped it over a few times "shit there's too much shit on it" he threw the paper onto the floor in anger. yoshi tried peeing on it to wash the shit off but since it was diarrhea the paper had absorbed it. "it's ok yoshi we'll just have to do without the list" said mario. he and yoshi walked up and down the aisles picking out products at random. some of these products went into the cart while others mario had yoshi eat to lay as eggs later so he could sneak them out without paying. they started walking to the checkout line when they passed by the restrooms. yoshi sniffed the air outside the door of the men's room and tapped mario on the shoulder. mario sighed and said "ok yoshi but make it quick" he opened the door and yoshi happily rushed into the bathroom, sliding on the pee covered floor. yoshi lapped up a small puddle of pee underneath the two urinals before drinking out of the unflushed urinals directly. "hey yoshi there's some piss in the sink too" said mario. yoshi squealed in delight and ran over to the sink to drink that up. yoshi finished drinking out of the pee sink and looked at the stalls. he sniffed the air and decided that the first stall smelled appetizing and headed for it. he kicked open the door and lifted the lid of the toilet. a bunch of flies flew out and mario caught a whiff of something foul. he peeked into the stall as yoshi began chowing down on the contents of the toilet. at first mario wondered why the inside of the stall was brown while the outside was blue until he noticed the walls were dripping. it wasn't brown colored, it was shit covered. mario watched as yoshi cheerfully slurped at the walls of the stall and returned them to their proper blue color. after he finished with that stall he hopped over the wall into the neighboring stall. from the stall came a shout "YO MAN WHAT DA FUCK" and then a scream mario crawled under the wall into the other stall to see what the hell was going on. he looked up to see yoshi biting down on the arm of a black man. "YO WHAT DA FUCKIN FUCK YOU DOIN MAN" screamed the black man, flailing his arm around to get yoshi off. he spotted mario pushing himself under the stall and screamed again. yoshi bit off a chunk of his arm and chewed happily before spitting it out in disgust and puking on the black man. the black man jumped over the stall door and tried to run out of the restroom. however since the floor was wet with urine he slipped and fell to the ground, cracking his skull on the hard floor. yoshi helped mario to his feet and they walked out to check out the black man. a puddle of blood was growing underneath his head. his pants were around his ankles and his small wang was exposed. "hmm i thought they had big ones" mario thought to himself. the flies that usually buzzed around yoshi's ass now moved over to the dead black man. yoshi had a confused look on his face and mario understood why. "yoshi this is what we call a nigger. i know niggers are the same color as shit and even smell like shit but they are not actually made of shit. i made that mistake too a long time ago so don't be ashamed. now let's get out of here before we get caught." he gave yoshi a pat on the head and together they left the restroom hand in hand. they walked to the checkout line where they were stuck behind an old woman who had shit her pants. "oh my bowels just ain't what they used to be" she said to the cashier. "ma'am we've been talking about this for the past 30 minutes now do you have any items for me to ring up or not" asked the cashier trying to suppress his anger. "i don't have any money" said the old woman with tears in her eyes "nobody will hire me on account of my bowels not being what they used to be" there was the sound of liquid hitting the ground. "woops there goes the ol' bladder" mario was beginning to get pissed off. he wanted to get out of this place before they broke any other laws. in the middle of the old woman's discussion with the cashier about her frequent sharting he kicked the old woman square in the ass sending the woman forward and green smelly shit splattering everywhere. the cashier heaved a sigh of relief and spoke into his microphone "cleanup at checkout 3." then he noticed yoshi was already eating up the shit and said "cancel cleanup." he gagged as the smell of the shit hit his nostrils and motioned for mario's items he started scanning mario's items. when he got to the 20th box of industrial-strength laxatives he looked up intending to ask if this was some sort of joke. but as he layed his eyes on mario, covered from head to toe in dry hardened shit he decided to just keep his mouth shut and quickly scan and bag the rest of the items. "alright sir that'll be $269" he said. "uh no" said mario. "sir what do you mean no" asked the cashier. "i think i deserve a little discount for all the good i've done. do you even know who i am" said mario with his hands on his fat hips. the cashier studied him for a bit then shook his head. mario wiped the shit from his mustache "do you recognize me now." the cashier shook his head again. "I'M FUCKIN MARIO" he screamed. "sir either pay for the stuff or get out. there are other shoppers who need to be rung up." mario would not stand for this "let me speak to your boss you little fucker" he said. the cashier left to get his boss leaving mario and yoshi alone. mario quickly opened the register and stuffed money into his pockets while yoshi ate all the candy. "quick here he comes" said mario as he hopped back over the counter and stood with yoshi, the two of them whistling nonchalantly and looking around. "alright what the fuck is going on here" said a male voice in falsetto. standing before mario was the owner of the store, birdo. "well well well if it isn't mario. where's your green butt-buddy at." yoshi hopped out from behind mario and waved. "i meant luigi" said birdo. "listen turdo i want some sort of discount" said mario. birdo laughed "unless you've got some coupons you aren't getting shit" then he looked at mario's shit-covered clothes "well i guess you already got the shit" he said, cracking up. "i got a coupon for you" said mario as he rushed towards birdo and kicked him in the crotch. mario removed his foot from birdo's crotch with a smirk until he noticed it had no effect on birdo. birdo didn't fall to the ground clutching his balls. he didn't scream in pain and hop around. he didn't even flinch. "must have missed" mario said to himself and kicked birdo in the crotch a second time, then a third time, then a fourth time but still nothing happened. mario scratched his head and lifted birdo's cock to see what the problem was. mario almost barfed at the sight that he saw. below birdo's dick, which mario noted was of exceptional size, wasn't a nutsack but a moist dripping vagina. "OH GOD WHAT THE FUCK" shrieked mario, jumping back and letting birdo's dick flop back over the vagina. "so you've finally figured it out" said birdo. "figured it out? what the hell dude i always thought you were just a faggot" screamed mario. birdo laughed maniacally at the shocked look on mario's face as he fingered his cunt with one hand and jacked his dick off with the other hand. "if i do it just right" said birdo with a moan "i can get both to orgasm at the same time." mario wasn't going to stick around and let that happen. he ran at birdo and knocked him to the ground and sat on his back. "quick yoshi rape him" ordered mario as he struggled to keep birdo subdued. yoshi nodded and ran to birdo's ass, his dick already hard. yoshi stood behind birdo with a confused look. "hurry up yoshi stick it in" grunted mario as birdo tried to push him off his back. birdo started chuckling then let out a roar of laughter. "what the fuck are you laughing at" asked mario then he turned to yoshi and screamed "RAPE HIM" but yoshi just stood there while his dick became flaccid. birdo pushed mario off his back and stood up, then turned his ass towards mario. mario took this as a chance to buttfuck birdo until he realized why yoshi didn't rape him earlier: birdo had no asshole. "as you can see i have no asshole" said birdo as he turned around. "but then how do you take dumps" asked mario. birdo pointed at his huge mouth "this mouth isn't just for sucking twenty dicks at one time" and with that he began grunting and straining. mario was confused at first but then he suddenly realized what was about to happen. "YOSHI WATCH OUT" he screamed. a high-speed log of shit shot out of birdo's mouth and just missed yoshi's head as he ducked to avoid it. the shit log hit the wall with enough force to become partially embedded in it. yoshi turned and looked at the shit log in the wall and scratched his head. he turned to birdo who was cursing at having missed yoshi and then turned to the shit log again. his tiny brain had formulated an idea. he stretched out his tongue and wrapped it around the shit log and reeled it in quickly. he put the shit log in his mouth and formed it into a ball and spat it out of his mouth. the shitball sped forward and lodged itself in birdo's mouth tube birdo flailed his arms around wildly while making wheezing noises. mario took advantage of birdo's lowered defenses and ran up and punched him in the dick. birdo's eyes narrowed in anger and he made a feeble attempt to grab mario. mario ducked under birdo's outstretched arms and slid between his legs, catching a whiff of his putrid vagina. he hopped back up on the other side of birdo and jump-kicked him in the back of the head. the kick caused the ball of shit to roll out of birdo's mouth and onto the floor. birdo fell to his hands and knees breathing hard. mario and yoshi started kicking him repeatedly in the sides as birdo cried. "kick his dick too yoshi" said mario. the two of them started kicking the dick back and forth between one another. "wait wait i got a good one" said mario. he drew back his leg, paused for a second, then brought it forward at blazing speeds into birdo's dick and causing it to smack him hard in the side. "YOWWW" screamed birdo. he had a red wang-shaped mark on his side and his wang was bruised. blood dripped from the peehole. "ew" said mario as he watched a little puddle forming underneath birdo's wang. birdo stood to his feet, wobbling a little and looking down at his wang. he squeezed it from the base to the head and a small spurt of blood came out. noticing the smirk on mario's face he said "don't think you caused this bleeding. i'm just on my period" mario watched in horror as birdo reached into his pocket, pulled out a tampon, and stuffed it into his peehole so only the string remained visible. "AAHHHHH FUCK YEAAAAAH THAT FEELS GOOD" he moaned. now mario had seen some crazy shit in his day but he could not handle this. he averted his eyes as birdo fingered his smelly cunt. yoshi was bent over dry heaving. he made a choking noise and vomited up one of the items they had shoplifted earlier, a six-pack of generic cream soda. birdo noticed this and stopped fingering himself. a look of extreme anger crossed his face. mario noticed the look on birdo's face and quickly said "yoshi remember what i told you about drinking so much soda before we left." yoshi just stood there looking confused. mario winked at him and yoshi winked back, giggling. "mario don't do this to me man" said birdo "don't fucking lie to me. the cans aren't even open. they're still fucking attached to each other." mario laughed nervously. birdo sighed "well i was going to just let you guys off with a severe beating, maybe a castration too, but it looks like now i'll have to kill you." "whoa now birdo let's not get hasty" said mario. he reached into his pockets and took out some coins that were covered with shit "i'll just pay for it and me and yoshi will leave." he threw the coins to the ground in front of birdo. birdo bent over and sucked the coins up with his mouth like a vacuum. mario and yoshi took a few slow steps toward the exit then started sprinting. "HOLD IT" shouted birdo. he fired a coin out of his mouth and hit mario in the side of the leg. mario looked down and saw the coin embedded a few centimeters into his leg. he cringed as the shit on the coin entered his bloodstream. birdo advanced quickly on mario, holding up his hands and showing his glittering painted nails. his nails were filed into very sharp points and mario knew that they were capable of slicing into his ballsack with ease. birdo lungeded at mario and swiped at his crotch but he managed to cross his legs just in time, only receiving a light scratch on the leg. mario kicked birdo's hand away and saw part of his nail fall on the ground. birdo looked down at his chipped nail and cried. "my nail my precious nail" he sobbed. he looked at mario with bloodshot eyes "do you know how FUCKING LONG it took me to FUCKING FILE MY FUCKING NAILS TO FUCKING LETHAL POINTS" he screamed, showering mario with shit-smelling spit. he fell to his knees and started shrieking in anger. mario took this opportunity to run away. "dude let's get the hell outta here" he said to yoshi. they reached the doors only to find them locked. "you gotta be shitting me" mario sighed in frustration. mario grabbed yoshi by the wang and together they ran off into the store while birdo cried over his chipped nail. they ducked into the cereal aisle and built a fort out of cereal boxes. "alright yoshi this'll buy us some time" mario said. he began thinking of a plan of action. he noted birdo's strong points: no weak spots (balls), can shoot shit from his mouth, and has a vagina. that last point was birdo's greatest strength. yoshi is deadly afraid of vaginas and mario had never seen a vagina outside of that one scat porno he watched once. they sat in their cereal box fort for five minutes before the farting started. mario sniffed the air and noticed a foul smell. at first he thought it was just his crotch; he hadn't showered in a couple weeks or changed his underwear in even longer. but a quick sniff dispelled this theory, although his crotch did smell. then he heard a long muffled fart come from yoshi's ass. mario got close and sniffed and quickly reeled back, his eyes tearing up. the tampons shoved in yoshi's ass, though good at absorbing diarrhea, were not adapt at absorbing the smell of laxative-induced farts. "yoshi quit farting or he'll catch us" mario hissed. yoshi grunted and strained but ultimately couldn't hold in the farts. mario coughed and wheezed and held his nose but he could still taste the farts and they tasted horrible. yoshi happily breathed in the air, enjoying the smell of his rancid farts. "well i can see we're gonna have fun with these laxatives when we get home" mario said. then he heard the sounds of footsteps. through a small hole in the cereal box fort he saw the unmistakable pink penis that belonged to birdo. mario's heart pounded as he watched birdo just stand there. "hmm a cereal box fort" he heard birdo say to himself quietly. birdo sniffed a couple times and took a step back. "ugh this cereal smells like it's gone bad." he reached for the boxes but then stopped. "on second thought i can just mark them as half off" he said with a mischievous chuckle. he walked away and mario heaved a sigh of relief. but then a rumbling sound came from yoshi's bowels and birdo stopped. "oh no" mario gasped. "damn it he's getting aftershocks from the laxatives" mario said to himself. there was another rumbling from yoshi's bowels and birdo turned around. "is that you mario" he called out. yoshi was starting to sweat from the strain of holding in the poop that was trying to push its way out of his ass. then his eyes grew wide and an even more horrible smell hit the air. mario noticed a small stream of diarrhea falling out of his ass. "i know you're near mario" birdo was calling out "i can smell feces." the tampons in yoshi's ass were quivering. mario knew it was only a matter of moments before they would burst, spewing out a torrent of foul smelling diarrhea. he had to act fast. "alright yoshi here's the plan" he whispered. outside of the fort birdo noticed some diarrhea seeping out from under the fort. "what in the fuck" he said. he got close and dipped his finger in it and gave it a lick. "hmm" he took another lick "wait a minute THIS IS SHIT" he shouted. "NOW!" mario burst out from the cereal box fort. he had a grip on the tampon strings sticking out from yoshi's ass, which was pointed straight at birdo. birdo froze in fear. he looked from mario to yoshi's dripping asshole and back to mario. he wasn't quite sure what was going on but he knew it must be dangerous. mario's grip on the tampon strings tightened and he pulled them out with a loud "pop." a highly pressurized jet of diarrhea shot from yoshi's asshole and hit birdo square in the chest. he skidded backwards a few inches but quickly regained control and started pushing against the torrent towards them. "AIM HIGHER" shouted mario "AIM FOR HIS MOUTH TUBE." yoshi angled his asshole higher and gallons of diarrhea entered birdo's mouth. mario watched with his hands on his hips and a smug smirk on his face. but then a look of concern came over his face as he noticed the jet of diarrhea beginning to lose pressure. he looked around for some more laxatives to refuel yoshi but then he remembered he had left the shopping cart back at the checkout lane. the diarrhea torrent came to a sudden stop and everyone just stood there. it was completely silent except for yoshi's dripping asshole. birdo burped and some diarrhea spilled out of his mouth. mario then realized how bad the situation was: birdo was now full of shit and could fire it out with much more force than yoshi's asshole. he broke the silence by saying a frustrated "oh fuck me." he felt something prodding at his backside and said "no yoshi." birdo took a step forward and the diarrhea in his stomach sloshed around. mario could see some shit rising up through birdo's throat and just managed to jump to the side as birdo let loose with a jet of diarrhea with so much force that he skidded back a few feet. birdo kept shooting blasts of diarrhea at mario and mario kept dodging them. mario attributed this to the fact that birdo probably wasn't used to the consistency of the diarrhea: it's a liquid but it has a bit of substance to it that makes it thicker than most other liquids. eventually he started showing off, doing ballet jumps over some of the blasts and even letting a blast go between his legs just inches below his crotch, causing yoshi to cover his eyes in fear. birdo had used up almost all of the diarrhea and knew he had to make this last shit shot count. birdo attempted to aim at mario but found that to be difficult. mario had taken to hopping from side to side flailing his arms around wildly. "HOLD STILL DAMN IT" birdo screamed but this just made mario jump around more sporadically. birdo tried to discern a pattern in his jumping but mario was too smart for that. then he turned and shot the shit at yoshi. the shit pounded him in the face and sent him tumbling backwards. birdo made a quick dash at mario and punched him in the stomach. mario bent over and birdo kneed him in the face sending him staggering backwards. he wiped the blood from his face and did a sliding kick into birdo's feet. birdo toppled over backwards and mario jumped on his stomach. a spray of diarrhea shot out of his mouth and blinded mario. birdo pushed mario off of him and flipped up into a standing position before giving mario a sweeping kick and catching him by his feet. he swung mario around a few times to gain momentum and tossed him into yoshi who was just then standing up. mario looked up to see birdo walking slowly towards him and yoshi. he tried to get up but yoshi had fallen on top of him. "geez mario i thought you would put up a better fight than that" birdo said. mario pushed yoshi off him and said "could you repeat that birdo. yoshi's cock was in my ear" he stood to his feet, wobbling slightly. "i said you're a faggot and like to fuck dudes." "that's what i thought you said." birdo sprinted toward mario, raising his fist to attack. mario quickly unzipped his overalls and whipped out his dick. he fired a quick piss stream into birdo's eyes. "AHH FUCK" birdo screamed and covered his eyes. mario made a run for it, grabbing the unconscious yoshi along the way. he knew that he couldn't keep this up. he was a fat middle aged man with a small dick whereas birdo was a fit hermaphrodite with a long thick dick. they were polar opposites. mario ran from aisle to aisle until he found himself in the cookware and cutlery aisle. mario eyed the knives on the shelves, particularly a large butcher knife. he grabbed it off the shelf and ran his finger along the blade. "yeah this will do" he said as a small drop of blood rolled down his finger. behind him he heard footsteps and turning around he saw that birdo had somehow followed him. "how did you find me" he asked as he tightened his grip on the knife. "your wiener." mario looked down and saw that his wiener was still hanging out. then he noticed the trail of piss leading into the aisle. mario zipped himself up while being careful not to cut his dick off with the knife. he narrowed his eyes at birdo then let out a scream and sprang at him. birdo sidestepped the swing of his knife and kicked him in the ass. mario stumbled forward but quickly regained his footing, spinning around to face birdo and swing again. but birdo had reached for his own weapon, a heavy cleaver which he used to block mario's knife. with his other hand mario punched birdo in the gut. birdo jumped up on top of the shelf and waved his dick around tauntingly. mario took a running leap onto the adjacent shelf and faced birdo. he looked around and noticed how cool everything looked from up there. "enjoy the view while you can mario" birdo said ominously "for it will be the last thing you ever see. actually the last thing you'll ever see will be me shoving my dick down your throat as you choke on it. i have had enough of your shenanigans. every time you come to my store i find shit everywhere." mario snickered which made birdo furious. he jumped into the air and so did mario, their blades colliding in midair with a loud clang. they exchanged a fury of kicks in midair before falling back down on top of the shelves. mario took off, leaping from shelf to shelf as birdo chased after him. he reached down and picked up a can of baked beans, sliced the top of it off with his knife, and downed the contents in one gulp. "national bean eating champ of '83" mario said to himself with a grin. he reached into his pocket and took out a feather, unzipped his overalls, and shoved the tip of it into his peehole. he screamed in pain as a puff of smoke covered him. birdo stopped running and jumped back a few shelves to survey this new development. when the smoke cleared birdo noticed had expected to see some sort of monstrous transformation. but instead he saw mario standing there, still as fat as ever. except now he had on a piss-yellow cape. birdo let out a hearty laugh "hahaha fag." mario ignored his laughs and started grunting and straining. he gritted his teeth and clenched his fists. "oh no he's gonna shit himself" birdo said in mock fear. "not exactly" mario said with a smirk. mario pushed out a thirty second wet putrid-smelling fart followed by a few short farts. its smell was akin to the kind of fart that only comes around when one is sick and signals the onset of a diarrhea attack only much much worse. using his cape mario waved the smell over to birdo. birdo scoffed at this "heh you expect a fucking fart to defeat m—" then the smell finally hit him. his eyes widened and started to water. "OH GOD HOLY SHIT THAT FUCKING STINKS" birdo screamed. he fell to his knees and vomitted a brownish-green mess of bile and shit. his cleaver slipped out of his hand and fell down to the floor. mario put his hands on his hips, an evil smile spreading across his face. "national bean farting champ of '83 too" mario hopped up and floated gently over to the quivering, puking body of birdo. he breathed in deeply "ahh smells just like roses. roses that someone shat on and left sitting out in the sun, that is" looking down at birdo he saw intense fear in his eyes. mario grabbed birdo's dick and gently stroked it until it became hard. with his left hand he held it steady as he raised his right arm. the blade of the knife glinted in the fluorescent lighting. "no" birdo said weakly. "YES" mario screamed. he had a boner now too and it was about to blow. mario brought the knife down on birdo's dick just as he blew his load in his pants. "MY DICK AHHH NOOOOOO" birdo shrieked. a geyser of blood sprayed from where his dick once was. mario danced in the blood and giggled in glee as birdo writhed in pain. he tossed the knife at birdo and it embedded itself in the side of his mouthtube. "hey birdo i think you dropped something" mario taunted, holding birdo's pink severed dick in his hand and laughing hysterically. mario walked up and smacked birdo across the face with his severed dick a few times. "and now to finish you off" he said as he began to strip naked. he squatted down over birdo's chest and grunted. he pushed out another fart and then the tip of a shit log peeked its way out of his asshole. "NO" birdo screamed "NOOOO." "hrrrAUGH" mario grunted. a vein throbbed in his temple as he pushed out this monstrous shit. birdo tried desperately to get up but without his dick he was powerless. the shit was now dangling in the air, hanging out of mario's ass like a brown tail. with one last fart the shit landed on birdo's chest. birdo quit moving and stayed still as mario pushed out a few smaller poops. he took birdo's bow and wiped his ass with it and shoved it in the still bleeding hole that was once his dick. birdo's eyes remained open but mario noticed there was no longer any life left in them. he gave birdo a sharp kick to the side just to be sure but birdo did not react at all. wiping the sweat from his forehead, he gathered up his clothes and hopped down to the ground to search for yoshi. mario walked around the aisles of the store, stealing bags of doritos and candy. it was completely quiet except for the occasional afterfarts he experienced from the beans; all the other customers had no doubt fleed from the store due to all the farting and shitting. he found yoshi hanging out in the toilet paper and diaper aisle. yoshi's tail wagged happily at the sight of his naked master. "well yoshi it looks like once again i have saved the day" mario said as he hopped on yoshi's back. someone had busted the windows on the front doors allowing mario and yoshi to easily exit the store. mario tied the shopping cart to yoshi's wang and the two of them made their way back home. yoshi easily pulled the shopping cart around due to his strong wang honed by many years of assfucking, and he only slightly struggled underneath the weight of mario. but unlike the trip to the store, the return trip home was mostly downhill. when they finally arrived home mario stepped off yoshi and angrily shouted "luigi get your butt in here" luigi came bounding down the stairs, zipping his fly "geez mario what took you so—HOLY WEEWEE WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU" he shrieked as he caught sight of his naked, bleeding, shitty brother. he got close and examined mario's wounds and checked to make sure nothing had happened to his wiener. "me and birdo got in a fight. no big deal" mario said. luigi noticed that yoshi was almost completely covered in shit and rushed over. "he's ok" mario said "he just tested out a new brand of laxatives i found." luigi's mustache twitched and he quickly began to dig through the shopping cart. "aha" luigi exclaimed as he found the laxatives "industrial strength huh." mario grabbed the box from luigi's hands with a serious look on his face "luigi you gotta be careful with these things. just one of these babies is enough to cause you to shit gallons upon gallons of diarrhea. i know how you like to take multiple laxatives at a time and i don't want you overdosing on these things." luigi hastily grabbed the box back from mario and ran up the stairs "yeah sure whatever. no one bother me." mario chuckled as he heard the bathroom door slam shut. mario untied the shopping cart from yoshi's dick and sat down on the couch. he turned the tv on and played with his dick a bit as he flipped through the channels, stopping when he saw birdo's bitchin store on the news. there were police cars and firetrucks all around it and people with gas masks standing outside. "even from here the smell is horrific" the reporter was saying, obviously trying to keep herself from vomiting "police are on the search for the suspected mastermind of the attack, forty-two year old wario. he is described as being four feet nine inches tall and weighing 340 pounds." "heh" laughed mario. the toilet flushed and luigi hobbled down the stairs. he slumped down on the couch next to mario, panting. "oh man that was intense" he said between breaths. after regaining his breath he stood up and said "yoshi i got a treat for you." yoshi's head and wang perked up and he walked over to luigi. luigi took off his overalls and turned around to reveal his messy dripping stinking ass. a big grin spread across yoshi's face as he he started licking up the diarrhea. "damn it guys i'm trying to watch tv" mario said over the loud slurping noises and giggles. luigi shook his ass in front of mario's face and said "you're just cranky because you want some of this. don't worry bro there's plenty for everyone." mario sighed and pushed luigi's ass away "normally i'd say yes but i think i've had enough shit for today" he thought back to all the diarrhea geysers he experienced earlier. but luigi shoved his ass into mario's face and his nose went into his asscheeks. he took a big sniff. "well i guess i'll have some since it's right here and all." mario licked a circle around luigi's asshole and swallowed some shit. "man luigi you have the tastiest shit in the world" he said. luigi giggled and blushed. mario bit off a few dingleberries from luigi's ass hairs and crunched down on them. a fart escaped from luigi's ass and a small trickle of diarrhea leaked from his asshole. mario slurped it up and swished it around in his mouth before gargling it and swallowing. yoshi was beginning to become restless. "hey now mario give yoshi a turn" luigi said. mario shook his head "yoshi can get his own shit." "mario" luigi said sternly. mario sighed and took a big lick of shit from luigi's ass. he opened his mouth and yoshi stuck his tongue inside and licked around. "hey give me some of that" luigi said. he turned around and stuck his tongue in too. the three of them stood there passing shit and spit from one mouth to the next and rubbing their hard wangs together. luigi tried to force some more shit out for the three of them but could only produce a small squeaky fart. "sorry guys looks like those laxatives cleaned me out" he said. yoshi pressed his lips to luigi's asshole and started sucking but nothing came out and he began to cry. "i think i might have a little more shit left in me" mario said. he clenched his fists and bit down on his lower lip and began grunting and pushing. he pushed and pushed for five minutes until a little poop nugget fell out of his ass which yoshi gobbled up quickly. "no more poop" mario said with a shrug. just then the doorbell rang. mario opened the door and found himself wang to face with toadsworth. mario's erect wang was pointed straight at toadsworth's eye. toadsworth gasped and took a few steps backward. "oh master mario it's only you. yes i'd recognize your wang anywhere" he said. he followed mario inside and sniffed the air. "smells like i missed the party" he said with a hint of sadness in his voice. "we were just having a celebratory shit-eat" mario said. "speaking of shit you wouldn't happen to have to take one would you" luigi asked. toadsworth stroked his chin and said "well i suppose i could give it the old college try." mario, luigi, and yoshi cheered. toadsworth pulled down his pants to reveal his old, wrinkly dick and even wrinklier nutsack. yoshi poked the frail dick gently. "i'm afraid little toadsie just isn't as lively as he once was" toadsworth said with a sad sigh "that's what i call my dick. little toadsie." mario and luigi exchanged frightful glances, worried that their own dicks would also resemble old hot dogs that had been left out in the sun for a few weeks. toadsworth grunted and pushed and ripped a huge fart. "pardon me" he said with a blush. he gave another push and another fart but this one was muffled somewhat. luigi walked behind toadsworth and looked at his ass. "i can see a bit of poop trying to make its way out" he proclaimed. he pinched the end of it off and rolled it around between his thumb and index finger. "nice texture, firm yet still on the soft side" he gave it a sniff "good poopy smell." he nodded to toadsworth who resumed his pooping. toadsworth's eyes bulged out and a few drops of pee leaked from his dick as the shit crawled its way out of his ass. he gripped the arm of the couch in front of him, his knuckles turning white as he grunted and groaned. his glasses fell off and landed on the carpet and some more drops of pee fell onto them. beads of sweat dripped down his forehead and were absorbed by his mustache. luigi quickly loosened his bow tie. "thank you master luigi" he said between grunts. the air was ripe with the scent of old man poop and all four of them had boners. the shit landed on the carpet with a thud. toadsworth fell down to his hands and knees panting and sweating, his wang rising and falling with his breaths. yoshi assumed the position behind him but mario quickly pulled him away. "he's too old for that. his heart is weak" he whispered. he handed toadsworth his cane and he shakily got to his feet. "whew" he said as he wiped the sweat from his face and the shit from his ass. luigi got a knife and divided the shit into four equal shares and each of them ate happily, although mario stole some of yoshi's poop while no one was looking. the four of them laid on the carpet and sighed contently with their full bellies and licked their brown lips. toadsworth pulled out some pubes and handed them out and using the pubes they flossed the shit from between their teeth. the pubes made soft squeaking sounds as they flossed and compared the poop chunks they accumulated on their pube floss. mario had the most and being the winner was allowed to lick the shit from everyone's floss. toadsworth got dressed and said "well master mario, master luigi, slave yoshi, i had a swell time this afternoon. i even got a boner for the first time in several years without the aid of a pill" he rubbed the small bulge in his pants lovingly "but i'm afraid it's time i get back to the castle." mario placed his arm around toadsworth's shoulder. "i'm sure you could stay for a little while longer. put that boner to good use." a small smile crept up from under toadsworth's mustache. "well i wouldn't want this boner to go to waste" he said as mario helped him remove his clothes. they all sat down in a circle and gripped their wieners. "the name of the game is center splat" mario explained "the object is for all of us to jizz at the exact same time so that it collides in midair. this is an advanced game that requires precise timing so don't fuck it up yoshi." yoshi nodded and concentrated hard on his wiener. mario began the countdown: "three two one JERK." with that they began to jerk off. mario smeared some of his ass sweat on his left hand (his masturbation hand) to use as lube while yoshi went at it dry. luigi sucked his own dick for a few seconds to lubricate it before furiously rubbing his dick between both of his hands. toadsworth sneezed right as the jerking off session began, shrugged, and covered his dick in the snot. with his left hand he tickled his balls as he jacked off. a few minutes passed, silent except for the fap fap fapping sounds of jerking off and the groans of pleasure they made as their penises tingled in delight. just then a worried look swept over toadsworth's face. "excuse me" he said "excuse me but i'm about to ejaculate." the others sped up their hand movements to be able to cum at the same time as toadsworth. mario raised his hand and said "me too." yoshi also raised his hand and threw back his head and moaned. luigi was the last one left and he furiously tugged at his penis but it just wasn't doing it. luigi stuck his middle finger up his asshole and rubbed his prostate. "oooh OOOH" he gasped. his boner became even harder and his testicles gave a jolt. "I'M CUMMING I'M CUMMING" he screamed. at that second it was as if their cocks were exactly synchronized. all four of them blew their loads at the same time and all four of them had an exceptional amount of semen. their loads hit square in the center between them, four feet in the air with a "shplurght" sound and splattering droplets of jizz everywhere. they all roared with laughter and crawled around on their hands and knees, licking jizz drops off the furniture and each other. finally the place was jizzless and they put their clothes on. "master mario you make me feel like a kid again" toadsworth said. a tear ran down his cheek which mario wiped away. "hey you come over and jack around with us any time you want old man" he said "and i do mean jack around" he whispered and nudged toadsworth with his elbow. he walked toadsworth to the door. toadsworth chuckled. "well you know how tight my schedule is, what with tending to the princess and—" his eyes suddenly grew wide. mario paused at the sight of toadsworth's shocked expression then closed the door in his face. "master mario master mario" toadsworth shouted as he banged on the door. mario opened the door. "master mario i just remembered why i came over here in the first place" toadsworth said with a worried look in his eyes "bowser broke into the castle and took the princess." mario scratched his ass "yeah i'll deal with that later" he said and shut the door again. toadsworth opened the door. "master mario you don't understand. bowser's army completely wrecked the castle." mario shrugged and said "i'll do it tomorrow or next week or something" and shut the door again but toadsworth stuck his cane in just before the door closed and pushed it open again. "he destroyed the royal shit museum" toadsworth cried, tears streaming down his cheeks. mario stood still. his hands balled up into fists and trembled slightly. "he WHAT" mario screamed. he turned to luigi and yoshi. "guys pack your bags. we're going to kill that bastard bowser." mario stormed up the stairs taking them two at a time and went to pack his things. as he stuffed some extra pairs of overalls into his bag he remembered being a child and touring the royal shit museum for the first time. he could almost smell the old shit exhibits, dating back to 1328 when the museum had been erected. mario remembered how ecstatic he had been upon receiving a letter six years ago stating that he had been chosen to submit his own shit to the museum for having rescued the princess for the 17th time. the roaring of the crowd that had gathered to watch him take a shit on the pedestal marked "mario" filled his ears again. but now it was destroyed. mario buried his face in his hands and wept luigi walked up the stairs and called out to mario "should i bring our mustache combs." he froze in the doorway when he caught sight of his crying brother. "mario don't worry we'll get the princess" he said. he walked in and laid a hand on mario's shoulder. mario pushed his hand away "who cares about the princess. we lost a national treasure. we can replace the princess but the shits are gone forever luigi. THEY'RE GONE" he punched the wall and broke a hole in it. luigi gasped and took a step back as mario turned toward him, his eyes bloodshot and his face full of anger. a shiver ran down luigi's spine as he looked at mario's expression of pure hatred. he hadn't seen mario this mad since the time wario had shaven off mario's mustache back in high school. "luigi" he said slowly. luigi gulped. "we're gonna go all out on bowser this time. he went too far this time. pack all the food you can so we can build up enough shit to attack him with." luigi nodded and ran downstairs to the kitchen. he knew that when mario gets serious you do whatever he tells you to do. a half hour later everything was packed except the shit-eggs. the shit-eggs had to be handled with extreme care and mario trusted no one with them. mario examined the eggs closely, picking out the best candidates. the older eggs would be more putrid, having rotted slightly. however their shells would be weaker and the last thing they need is one of those things breaking along the way to bowser's castle. on the other hand the newer eggs would not have had enough time to ferment and the shits may be too solid. to work effectively the shits should be liquidated to create proper shit splatter. mario stroked his chin "decisions decisions." mario grabbed one of the older eggs from the shelf. he poked a small hole in the shell and almost threw up. a thick greenish brown fluid oozed out of the hole. a horrendous, god awful stink hit the air. it smelled like a mixture of bad diarrhea, ball sweat, old man farts, the inside of a dumpster, skunk, and that one pair of underwear he wore for a year straight, except much much worse. mario covered his nose with his hand but the odor was so pungent he could taste it. it stung his eyes and burned his throat as he breathed through his mouth. mario walked back to the others carrying a bag carefully. "no one touch this" he said. luigi handed him a taco drenched in hot sauce. "tacos will induce shit" said luigi "and the hot sauce will add some extra power to our shits." "good thinking bro" mario said. he looked at toadsworth. "what are you still doing here" he asked. "i have decided to come along with you master mario" toadsworth said "i may not be fast and my dick may not be strong but i know i can help somehow." he looked up at mario with determination on his face. mario sighed. "alright you can come. but you're carrying everything." he turned around just in time to miss toadsworth flipping him off. mario went through all the bags carefully to survey what everyone had packed. he noted that luigi was carrying quite a few of the industrial-strength laxatives. "good. combined with the tacos and hot sauce we should have some pretty powerfull shit" he said. in yoshi's bag was just piss. "alright everything seems to be in order" mario said. he pointed at toadsworth and commanded "pick everything up and be careful with my bag." mario kicked open the door and together they all walked out into the sunset. mario stopped at the edge of the driveway. "mario what's the matter" asked luigi. mario stood scratching his balls and looking up and down the street. "does anyone remember where bowser lives" he asked. "master mario i believe he lives to the east" toadsworth said. mario sighed. "alright then does anyone know which way east is." luigi thought for a few minutes and said "i think east is the same as right" so they began their journey down the street to the right and into the woods. they went into the woods and walked through carefully. the setting sun combined with the towering trees created weird shadows on the ground. some of them looked like penises which caused yoshi to look around in confusion, wondering where the penises actually were. luigi and toadsworth compared and contrasted different masturbation techniques while mario brought up the rear, scanning the area with his eyes. there was a peculiar odor in the air that mario didn't like. eventually luigi noticed it too and sniffed the air deeply. he looked over his shoulder at mario with a concerned expression on his face. "mario" luigi said "that smell. it's fart." mario shook his head. it didn't smell like any farts he had ever smelled. but then again, when it came to farts luigi's nose did not lie. he had a sixth sense. luigi could figure out what someone had eaten just by smelling their farts. "mario whoever farted had been eating bananas" luigi said. mario's eyes widened in fear. he only knew of one person who ate bananas. suddenly he heard a rustle in the tree above him and before he knew it he was knocked hard onto his back and pinned down by something hairy and stinky. luigi and yoshi rushed over but were smacked away by the creature's long arm. fortunately this allowed mario to kick it off him. he flipped up onto his feet and stared at the being in front of him as it too flipped to its feet. mario recognized it instantly. he and the beast had a long history going back twenty-six years. "well well well" mario said, spitting on the ground in front of the animal. it snorted in anger. "if it isn't old donkey dong" mario sneered. donkey kong's eyes widened in anger and he started stomping around in an angry rage. "ME KONG NOT DONG" he screamed. "mario who is this guy" luigi asked. the beast was naked except for a tie around its neck. it looked as though the beast had used the tie to wipe its ass. he made out the letters "DK" on it but had no idea what it could stand for. mario sighed and adjusted his crotch "this is donkey kong. me and him go way back. remember that summer a long time ago when i got a job shoveling shit at the circus? well this little fucker was one of the main attractions there and he kept eating rotten bananas and having explosive diarrhea everywhere just to make me mad. one day i just got so pissed at him that i took a banana and shoved it up his ass. he didn't like that of course so me and him had a little one-on-one. well i kicked his ass good and was just about to deliver the final blow when he noticed i left the door to his cage open. with the last of his strength he managed to escape. we've crossed paths a couple times since then but it's always ended with me kicking his ass yet again and him somehow escaping." donkey kong, who was absentmindedly plucking ticks off his scrotum, looked up when mario stopped talking. a wide grin formed on his face as he pulled back his arm and began winding it. "EVERYONE GET BACK" mario yelled. luigi and yoshi jumped back. toadsworth was nowhere to be seen but they could hear him whimpering somewhere, perhaps behind a tree. mario took a defensive stance as donkey kong continued winding up his punch. suddenly his arm stopped and he rushed forward to mario. mario stood his ground as donkey kong raised his fist. he brought it back and then thrust it forward straight into mario's face. but at the last second mario ducked down and rolled between donkey kong's legs. an unpleasant odor greeted his nostrils as he passed below donkey kong's crotch and asshole. donkey kong's ballsack rubbed on mario's lips and he tasted the salty shittyness of the ape's unwashed balls. mario stood to his feet behind donkey kong and, taking advantage of the dumb ape's momentary confusion, aimed his anal annihilation kick at donkey kong's ass. normally the user of this devastating kick attack will end up with his shoe halfway up the victim's ass. this allows the user to then slip his foot out of his shoe and shove it all the way into the ass. as mario was about to land the kick he noticed a problem: donkey kong had a layer of dried shit covering his asshole. mario cursed under his breath; the attack needs a clear entry way into the anus otherwise it will not work. "god damn it WHY DOES NOTHING EVER GO MY WAY" he screamed. donkey kong whirled around and aimed a slap straight at mario's balls. mario managed to avoid the slap but donkey kong grabbed him and threw him into a tree, causing him to smack his head hard against it. he slumped to the ground at the base of the tree, his head pounding. looking up he saw donkey kong running at him on all fours, his dick trailing behind him like a tail. mario rolled to the side as donkey kong punched the ground right where his balls were at. the ape grunted in anger as he turned around and ran at mario again. mario noticed donkey kong's eyes were fixated on his balls. "so that's how we wants to fight is it" he said to himself. mario leaped into the air and donkey kong passed underneath him. but a smirk formed on his face as he spun around and landed a strong punch to mario's balls. "FUCK FUCK FUCK" mario shrieked as he fell to the ground in the fetal position, caressing his throbbing balls. donkey kong snickered and rubbed his nutsack on mario's face. mario felt the gross slimy ball hairs rubbing around on his lips. mario grabbed one of the hairs between his teeth and plucked it out. donkey kong yelped and hopped around, clutching at his scrotum and crying. luigi and yoshi rushed over to mario while donkey kong was dancing around in pain. luigi bent down and examined mario who was crying from the pain. he unzipped mario's overalls and pulled out his balls. "no swelling or bruising…yet" luigi said. he turned to yoshi "find toadsworth and bring him here. we need the medical bag" he ordered. yoshi glanced at donkey kong who was beginning to settle down. "don't worry yoshi. i can handle this guy" luigi said, rolling up his sleeves and preparing for combat. luigi flipped his cap around backwards and raised his fists. he took off running in the opposite direction of yoshi in order to draw the ape's attention. donkey kong chased after luigi and quickly caught up to him. he stretched out his leg and tripped luigi, causing him to fall face first into a pile of shit. luigi took a few bites of the shit and tasted banana. donkey kong clapped his hands and laughed "you fall in my poo" he said between giggles. angry, luigi grabbed a handful of shit and tossed it into donkey kong's face. donkey kong's laughs turned into coughs as he began choking. donkey kong pounded his chest hard as his face began to turn blue. luigi laughed with his hands on his hips "choking on poop. what a way to go" he said. donkey kong managed to furrow his eyebrows in anger and attempted to smack luigi but the lack of oxygen made his movements slow, allowing luigi to dodge just by leaning backwards. tears flowed from donkey kong's eyes as he grabbed at his neck and stomped on the ground. tears flowed from luigi's eyes too, but only because he was laughing so hard. "kinda brings a new meaning to 'eat shit and die' doesn't it?!" luigi screamed as he laughed maniacally. donkey kong started panicking now. he found a small twig on the ground and stuck it in his mouth to try to clear out the poop in his throat but it didn't work. he started punching himself over and over again in the stomach. "what are you trying to do beat yourself up" luigi asked but donkey kong continued punching himself. suddenly luigi realized what donkey kong was trying to do. "oh no you don't" luigi yelled as he grabbed donkey kong's huge muscular arm. donkey kong punched himself with his other fist now and before luigi could get to it a shit nugget shot out of donkey kong's mouth and hit luigi in the forehead. the mixture of shit and saliva exploded on impact and splattered all over luigi's face. donkey kong sat catching his breath for a minute as luigi stood there, his face dripping with the coughed up shit. he watched as donkey kong's face turned from white to blue to back to its normal color, though a little flush. his eyes were bloodshot and his face was growing more red. "you okay dude" luigi asked. donkey kong was trembling slightly. he stuck his hand behind his ass and farted. luigi was puzzled as to what the ape was up to but it all became clear as he brought his arm out from behind his ass and revealed a steaming handful of shit. he flung it at luigi, hitting him hard in the chest and causing him to fall backwards. luigi planted his hand on the ground and backflipped onto his feet just in time to be hit in the chest again with another handful of shit. luigi stood up slowly and wiped the shit off his shirt. he watched as donkey kong was forming a shitball out of a particularly runny glob of shit and giggling. "what's so funny" luigi asked. donkey kong finished the shitball and walked slowly towards luigi, tossing it up and down in his hand and grinning evilly. sweat dripped down the bridge of luigi's nose and into his mustache. donkey kong's eyes darted back and forth between luigi and the shitball as he slowly advanced toward him. donkey kong stopped walking and tossing the shitball up and down, but the same wicked grin remained on his face. he pulled back his arm and aimed at luigi. luigi did not hesitate. he spun around and started sprinting away from donkey kong as fast as he could. behind him he could hear donkey kong's footsteps and heavy breathing gaining on him but he didn't dare look back, he just concentrated on running as fast as he could. his heart pounded in his chest and his legs felt like they were going to burst. his balls shifted out of the left leg hole of his briefs but there wasn't any time to fix that. the last thing he remembered was something hard and sharp hitting him in the back of the head and everything going black. luigi woke up to a sharp pain in the back of his head. he rubbed it with his right hand and felt something wet. "what the" he opened his eyes and immediately noticed something was not right. he was dangling upside down high off the ground. looking at his hand he saw blood mixed with shit. "you finally awake" a voice said. he looked up at his feet and saw donkey kong still grinning evilly at him. he was sitting on a tree branch holding luigi by the left ankle. "me hide rock in shitball. make you knock out" he said and started laughing hard. donkey kong began to shake luigi and swing him around, loosening and tightening his grip on his ankle. luigi pissed himself a little in fear and the piss traveled down his shirt and into his face. "ew you peepee" donkey kong said with a grimace. noticing this, an idea formed in luigi's head. "so you don't like peepee eh" luigi said with a sly smirk. with extreme quickness he unzipped his overalls, pulled out his wiener, and squirted the last of his piss into donkey kong's face. "NO PEEPEE NO PEEPEE" donkey kong shrieked and covered his face with his hands, losing his grip on luigi's ankle in the process. "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK" luigi yelled as he fell. as luigi neared the ground his life began to flash before his eyes. his first memory, two years old and playing with his freshly shat in diaper as he continued to shit on the floor. age five, getting yelled at by the teacher for shitting his pants on the first day of kindergarten. countless schoolyard pissing contests, being beaten only by mario. having fun eroding the urinal cakes in the high school bathrooms and sneaking peaks at the boys using the adjacent urinals. his first mustache hair. his first job at age 18, being the guy that watches people take their piss tests. getting fired the following year when he was caught taking sips from the cups. changing his ailing grandfather's diapers when he was 26. finding yoshi's egg ten years ago. all the shit, the piss, the cum. luigi closed his eyes and smiled. suddenly something long, red, and sticky wrapped around luigi's abdomen. "what the" luigi gasped as it tightened around him and stopped his descent. he felt himself being reeled in behind him. he turned his head and saw yoshi straining to bring luigi in with his long tongue. yoshi flashed luigi a thumbs up and a huge wave of relief washed over luigi. his dick was now harder than it had ever been and he couldn't resist the urge to rub it up and down and all around. he was alive! he could masturbate if he wanted to! yoshi noticed what luigi was doing and got too excited; he forgot to stop reeling luigi in, making luigi plow into him. the two of them rolled around on the ground kissing, groping, licking, sucking each other in happiness. but the happiness did not last long. from up in the tree came a scream of rage as donkey kong jumped from the top down to the ground in front of luigi and yoshi. he landed hard causing the ground to shake. donkey kong's eyes were red from luigi's piss and he was breathing deep, angry breaths. he stared at luigi and yoshi who each had each other's dicks in their hands as they stared back. yoshi pushed luigi back and pointed behind him. luigi turned his head and saw toadsworth tending to mario's balls. "you want me to help toadsworth?" luigi asked. yoshi nodded, keeping his eyes on donkey kong. luigi saw yoshi's boner going down, a sign that yoshi meant business. he patted yoshi on the shoulder and ran off to help his brother. yoshi and donkey kong continued to stare each other down. donkey kong's irritated eyes twitched but still they kept staring unblinking. it was yoshi who made the first move. he jumped over donkey kong and started whipping him with his long tongue. over and over again yoshi whipped donkey kong over the ass, giving him the spanking he deserved for hurting mario and almost killing luigi. the dried shit caked over donkey kong's asshole began to crack and crumble. "ME BE GOOD ME BE GOOD" donkey kong screamed as he cried and tried to cover his ass. but donkey kong had been a bad boy and yoshi did not let up luigi shoved toadsworth out of the way and bent down to examine mario's balls. "luigi…is that…you?" mario said weakly. "yes brother i am here" luigi said. mario's cock stiffened a bit and luigi squeezed it gently. "no mario, not until i figure out the extent of your injury." yoshi's tongue was wrapped around a struggling donkey kong. with all his muscle he was not able to break free; nothing can break out of the grip of a yoshi's tongue. yoshi slowly began to draw his tongue in as he opened his mouth wide. donkey kong, whose arms were pinned to his side from the tongue, started kicking his feet wildly until he hit himself in his own balls. he went limp and yoshi swallowed him up. yoshi struggled a bit to get the big ape down but eventually he got it. now came the hard part: producing the huge egg required to contain donkey kong. he could feel donkey kong punching the walls of his stomach but that didn't worry him; yoshis have very strong stomachs. yoshi took a deep breath and closed his eyes. he spread his asscheeks wide to allow the egg ample room to slide out and began to grunt and strain and push and scream. his asshole was used to big things going in but going out was another story, especially a five foot, three hundred pound egg. yoshi's eyes bugged out and his face turned red as the tip of the egg pushed out through his asshole. he bit down on his bottom lip and continued pushing it out slowly millimeter by millimeter. only two inches of the egg had passed through his asshole but he was already drenched in sweat. his ass was extremely sweaty, a natural coping measure to help lubricate the egg. he gave a huge push and a couple more inches of the egg slid out. the pain was excruciating. it felt as though his asshole would tear apart. his vision was becoming cloudy and he began to feel dizzy. but despite all this he couldn't help but feel slightly aroused. slowly he gripped his hardening wang and moaned. luigi took an ice pack out of the medical supply bag and put it over mario's balls. the balls promptly shriveled up, as did his penis. "good they can still experience shrinkage" noted luigi. "damn it luigi" mario said, shivering. "this will help get the swelling down" luigi said "and besides this isn't normal ice. this is frozen yoshi piss." mario sighed and covered his nub of a penis with his hand. it was just too embarrassing. five minutes had passed and the egg was nearing the halfway point and was at its greatest width. yoshi's asshole was in so much pain but he was loving it so much. his dick was so hard it felt like it would pop. he squeezed his dick and stomped his feet and moaned and groaned. finally he gave one last huge push and the egg slid all the way out. at the same time his dick shot out a huge glob of semen that shot straight forward and splattered against a tree. yoshi's dick spasmed and a couple smaller semen globs dripped out. he stumbled a bit and leaned against the egg for support, panting. his gaping asshole slowly closed up as his dick continued to spasm and tingle and ooze out more semen. "wow yoshi did you shit that thing out" came a voice from behind him. yoshi turned around ready for a fight until he saw mario walking towards him, along with luigi and toadsworth. yoshi grinned and bounded for mario, hopping around him and giving him kisses. "yep it takes more than a punch to the balls to get rid of old mario" mario said "and thanks to yoshi's frozen piss in the ice pack i was able to make a full recovery." toadsworth scratched his head "what does the frozen weewee have to do anything" he asked. "the piss of a yoshi has healing qualities" luigi explained. mario was looking from the egg to yoshi's once again tight asshole with a look of bewilderment on his face, but what he didn't notice was the egg wiggling slightly. the group continued their trek out of the woods when suddenly the egg burst open. mario wheeled around and found himself face to face with donkey kong, covered in egg yolk and extremely pissed. "damn it yoshi" mario said angrily. he ran around behind donkey kong hoping to land a ball kick from behind when he noticed that his ass, besides being red and sore from yoshi's tongue lashing, did not have a layer of crusted shit covering the asshole. a smirk formed on his face as he readied his anal annihilation kick. "HOLD HIM DOWN" mario screamed. luigi and yoshi jumped on top of donkey kong and started punching him. he flailed around as mario tried to line his foot up with donkey kong's dirty asshole. "HIS ASS SOMEONE HOLD HIS ASS STEADY" mario screamed. yoshi began cockslapping donkey kong across the face while luigi grabbed onto donkey kong's ass and held it as steady as he could. mario took a few steps back and used the extra distance to run forward and give his kick extra momentum. his foot went into donkey kong's ass with a squishing sound and donkey kong shrieked in pain. mario slipped his foot out of his shoe and punched it deeper into donkey kong's rectum. donkey kong's eyes rolled up into his head and he flopped down onto the ground motionless. toadsworth shakily walked over and poked donkey kong. "is he dead" he asked. mario, who was putting on another shoe, said "not yet. right now he is merely stunned. however he will never be able to shit or receive anal sex ever again, so he's as good as dead. and he'll probably be in a lot of pain, especially since" he smirked and chuckled "i wear steel-toed shoes." he laughed and gave donkey kong a couple kicks to the crotch. "come on mario he's no threat to us" luigi said sternly "and besides it's getting late. we don't want to be in these woods when it gets dark." mario sighed and led the way out of the woods. after a half hour they managed to make their way out of the woods and found a large field of grass ahead of them. since the sun had gone down they decided to camp out here for the night and continue in the morning. they all stripped naked and laid in the cool grass. "luigi you remembered to go pee didn't you" mario asked. "yeah i peed in donkey kong's eyes earlier" luigi said. "why don't you try going again just to be sure" said mario. luigi groaned and got up as mario closed his eyes. he felt a warm stream of liquid splashing all over his manboobs and opened his eyes. luigi was standing over him, wang in hand and giggling. "so you want a pee battle do ya" mario said with a smirk. he reached down and gripped his wang. mario shot a quick spurt of pee into luigi's left nostril and then hopped to his feet. "well if it isn't sharpshooter mario" luigi said and wiped his nose. he spun his dick around and around and sprayed a spiraling piss stream onto mario's fat belly. "fancy tricks eh? two can play at that game" said mario. he covered his peehole with his index finger for a few seconds then released it. a high powered stream shot straight into luigi's forehead and sent him stumbling backwards, narrowly avoiding stepping on toadsworth wrinkly old ballsack. toadsworth let out a squeak and quickly stuffed his ballsack underneath himself. "so luigi what's your next move gonna be" mario said, knowing luigi couldn't have too much piss left inside him. a wicked grin formed on luigi's face as he raised his left hand and snapped his fingers. yoshi stood up, walked over to mario, and bent him over and held him still. "what's going on" mario said but it all became clear to him when he felt his brother's wang slip between his asscheeks and inside his anus. he pretended to struggle a bit and then relaxed his body as he felt the warm liquid flowing inside his butt. "ohhhh yeah" mario moaned. it felt so good and warm and relaxing after the hard battle with donkey kong. "sorry mario all done" luigi said and pulled out his wang, causing some pee to spill out. his wang was covered in a combination of sweat, urine, and poop which he had yoshi lick off as a nice snack. mario let the pee slowly seep out of his asshole and run down the back of his ballsack, which tickled slightly, when he saw a figure peeking at him from behind a tree. "alright who the fuck is out there" mario called out. the figure ran out from behind the tree and rushed straight for mario. with every footstep the ground seemed to shake because the person was very obese. after a few feet the person stopped to rest, doubling over and breathing very loudly, and mario realized who it was. "wario you fat sack of shit what the fuck do you want" mario asked, crossing his arms over his chest. wario waddled over to mario and got real close to his face. his breath smelled of shit and his mustache hairs were matted with what appeared to be sweat and pee. mario smacked him across the face and then punched him in the gut. "what the fuck dude" wario said, holding his stomach and starting to cry. "wario how long have you been out here in the woods" mario asked. even in the darkness he could see that wario was a wreck. his face was unshaven and his cap had some shit streaks on it. he had some pretty big armpit stains and a very strong odor was wafting up from his crotch. mario breathed it in deeply and kind of liked it, but he didn't let wario know that. "i've been out here since that day in the park last week" wario said "and let me tell you it hasn't been easy. i've been eating my own shit and drinking my own piss to survive. well sometimes i find some deer shit or something but mostly it's just mine." there was an awkward silence after this. "well we're going to bowser's castle to kick his ass for destroying the royal shit museum" mario said. "and to rescue the princess" said toadsworth. "yeah if we have time. but you can't come with us wario so get the hell out of here" mario said. wario's bottom lip trembled and his eyes began to tear up. "yeah like i'd want to hang out with a bunch of fags like you" wario said, wiping his eyes. he stared at them for a few seconds then, when no one said anything, ran off into the night. mario flipped him off then flopped to the ground, ready for sleep. "where do you think he's going" luigi asked. "shut up i'm trying to sleep" mario snapped and drifted off to sleep instantly. mario was only a few inches tall and swimming around in a toilet with the water tinted yellow. the wonderul smell of stale urine filled his nostrils. he saw the lid of the toilet being lifted and then heard the sound of a belt buckle being undone and a zipper being pulled down. his heart was pounding as he saw a hairy ass plop itself down above him, a pair of testicles jiggling a bit just mere inches over his head. "come on" he whispered "push out some poop for old mario." he stared intently at the asshole and listened to the rhythmic grunts of the giant seated on the toilet. the asshole pulsated a bit and then the turtle head of a shit log poked its way out. he felt the warm log of shit touch the top of his head and his boner grew rock hard. the asshole let out a fart and the shit plopped into the water. mario crawled on top of the shit, happy it was a floater, and rolled around on it, covering himself with shit. then he got on his back and made shit angels. he burrowed deep inside the shit and found a piece of corn. he ate it and his mouth was overcome with a delicious burst of flavor that was so good it made him cum instantly. "YES" mario screamed. his eyes opened and he found it was already daylight. he watched his dick shrink down to its normal flaccid size and played with the jizz that had landed on his stomach. it was at this moment he realized how incredibly hot it was. his balls stuck to the sides of his thighs and he was completely drenched in sweat. he noticed the others starting to wake up and quickly wiped the semen off his stomach luigi sat up and squeezed his mustache causing a bunch of sweat to pour out. "mario it's hot" luigi said. "oh it is? gee i didn't notice that. i thought it was FUCKING FREEZING" mario yelled and punched the ground. mario like most obese people was not particularly fond of the heat. toadsworth grabbed his cane and shakily stood to his feet. "my, the sun sure is angry today" he said. mario looked up at the sky and sighed. there wasn't a cloud visible and the sun seemed somehow closer than usual. "well what's for breakfast" he asked luigi. luigi pulled out a couple cans of asparagus from his backpack. "these will give our piss more potency" he said, then turned to yoshi "and yoshi, if you'll come with me i'll prepare your breakfast too." he grabbed a newspaper and trotted off behind a tree, yoshi trailing happily after him. luigi and yoshi returned five minutes later, yoshi licking his lips. "alright let's get going" mario said "it's hot so we'll continue on naked." toadsworth strapped all the backpacks to his back and tried his best to keep up, but he kept lagging behind. "toadsworth you have to keep up with us" mario said. "master mario perhaps you all could carry your backpacks this time" toadsworth said, straining under the weight "it is ninety degrees and i am very elderly. a man my age shouldn't even be outside in these conditions, much less carrying several heavy backpacks." mario had a pissed look on his face and was just about to yell something when a fireball fell down right next to his feet. "what the fuck" mario said. he looked at luigi to see if he threw it but luigi was busy wiping down yoshi's ballsack. mario and toadsworth looked up at the sky and saw an incredible sight. the sun had an extremely pissed off face and it was looking straight at them. "toadsworth do you see that" mario asked. "i most certainly do master mario" replied toadsworth, trembling. the sun closed its eyes and scrunched up its face as though it were taking a shit and a fireball shot out from it, aiming at mario. mario dived out of the way but he wasn't quick enough; he felt some of his ass hairs burning. "oh you son of a bitch" mario said angrily. he looked down at where the fireball landed and gasped. it wasn't a ball of fire at all, but flaming shit. "let's get the fuck out of here" mario yelled. he grabbed toadsworth and dragged him along as he motioned for luigi and yoshi to start running. "mario what's wrong" luigi asked as he ran beside his brother. "well for one thing, the fucking sun is shooting flaming shitballs at us" mario said. luigi looked over his shoulder and probably would have shat himself if he hadn't just shat minutes ago. "what did you do to make him so mad" luigi asked. "how the fuck could i piss off the sun?" mario snapped back. toadsworth tugged on his arm and mario looked back. "master mario could you please stop dragging me along the ground" he asked "my penis and testicles are getting some very uncomfortable friction burns." mario nodded and then whistled to yoshi in front of him. yoshi slowed his pace until he was even with mario, allowing mario to fling toadsworth onto his back. his genitals were very red with small pebbles stuck between the wrinkles of his ballsack. mario winced but didn't have time to feel sympathetic as smelled another round of fireballs coming towards him. mario had an idea, a very risky idea. "toadsworth what do you think would happen if i killed the sun" he asked, knowing toadsworth was the smartest one out of all of them. toadsworth thought it over for a few seconds and said "now i can't be too certain master mario but i have been pondering over whether or not that is the real sun that we know and love. i think this is some imposter sun, since the real sun doesn't have a face or shoots flaming feces balls, as i'm sure you know. my theory is that the angry sun, since it is closer to us than the real sun, is obscuring the real sun. we would probably be able to see the real sun if we went around the other side of the angry sun." mario nodded although he wasn't really paying attention, and said "alright i'm gonna go fight him. reach into my backpack and pull out a balloon." toadsworth dug into mario's red backpack and pulled out an inflated yellow balloon with a white "P" on it. "what is this" he asked, handing it to mario. "you'll see" mario said. he untied the bottom of the p-balloon and breathed in the air inside. instantly his bladder began filling with so much urine it began to stretch to an enormous size, causing mario's whole body to swell up. the special urine created by the power of the p-balloon made him light enough to float up in the air. luigi, yoshi, and toadsworth could only watch as mario floated higher and higher until he was level with the sun. the sun's expression of anger changed to surprise for a moment but then it quickly became pissed off once again. "alright sun it's time to go down" mario said. "the forecast is calling for showers…golden showers" mario said as he chuckled and shot out a high powered jet of piss into the angry sun's face. the sun screamed in agony as the piss began to put out its flames. it fired out more flaming shit balls but mario aimed his piss stream at them to put them out before they hit him. the angry sun shrank as the piss began to put him out. his shrieks of pain became more high pitched the smaller he got and mario giggled at how funny it sounded. "i'm melting, melting" mario mocked. the angry sun was now half the size of mario, and mario was now deflated enough to reach down and grab his wiener to make aiming at the small sun easier. "any last words" he said, the sun now about the size of a watermelon. "yeah" the sun said in its funny high pitched voice "fuck you mario you fucking fat fagg-" but he was unable to complete its final words as mario doused it with piss. mario released the rest of his piss slowly so that he gently lowered to the ground. by the time he made it to the ground he was back to his regular fat self. "you did it mario" luigi yelled as he, yoshi, and toadsworth ran over toward him. toadsworth looked up at the sky "aha" he exclaimed "it seems i was correct in my assumption that the angry sun was just a false sun" but no one was paying any attention to him. yoshi was sniffing around mario's dick and looking disappointed. "sorry yoshi but there's no more piss left" mario said. "well let's get going guys" luigi said. mario, happy to have killed another menace to society, nodded and led the group onward toward the ominous storm clouds hanging over a castle in the distance. "master mario, do you suppose that castle in the distance belongs to bowser" toadsworth asked. "no toadsworth" mario said, rolling his eyes "i think that castle surrounded by flaming geysers and a lava moat and what appears to be an army of koopas and goombas couldn't possibly belong to bowser. after all, we all know bowser doesn't have fire or a huge army." toadsworth sighed and continued to lug the heavy backpacks quietly. by noon they had traveled a considerable distance and were now close enough to smell the shitty stench of the koopas and goombas training outside the castle. mario motioned everyone to hide behind a bush. "alright guys this is it" he said "they haven't noticed us yet which means we have the element of surprise on our side." he peeked through the leaves and watched two goombas fighting over a pile of shit. "it looks to me like there's a good hundred or so goombas and koopas out there. we don't have enough time to take these fuckers on all at once so we're gonna have to draw them away from the castle. toadsworth, get an egg from my backpack and gently hand it to me." toadsworth handed the egg to mario, who threw it as hard as he could away from the castle. the egg burst open as it landed on the ground, causing an explosion of very old and rancid shit. the goombas and koopas looked confused for a moment until the smell hit them. they scrambled around wildly and headed toward the shit. "toadsworth hand me another one" mario said. toadsworth handed mario another shit egg. mario surveyed the chaos for a moment before yelling "RUN RUN RUN." yoshi grabbed toadsworth and they took off running toward the castle. a few koopas noticed them and started moving toward them, fangs bared and letting out their shrill cries. mario tossed the shit egg behind them and they turned around to get the shit. mario smirked and let out a "heh". they crossed the lava moat and shoved open the door, finding themselves face to face with a pair of hammer brothers. the hammer brothers were surprised for a moment but quickly got over it and began throwing their hammers at mario and company, aiming at their exposed ballsacks. mario was getting pissed. there was no time to deal with these motherfuckers. he grabbed a hammer in midair and tossed it back at the hammer brother, aiming at his balls as well. the hammer brother managed to move his hips to the right quick enough to cause his ballsack to sway far enough and avoid being hit by the hammer. he began to toss his hammers faster now but mario continued to catch them and toss them back. the hammer brother was starting to look worried as it danced around trying to avoid the hammers mario was throwing. after about a minute mario finally succeeded in hitting the brother square in the balls. it screeched in pain before falling to the ground unconscious. mario sighed and wiped the sweat from his forehead and then from his ballsack, and turned to see how the others were doing. mario was surprised to see that the others were doing alright; in fact they had the hammer brother subdued. toadsworth was sitting on top of him to keep him from getting up while luigi twisted the hammer brother's testicles and yoshi pissed on his face. mario winced and grabbed his balls as the hammer brother cried and screamed before its limbs and dick went limp. "how'd you guys do that" mario asked. "well since my balls are small the hammer brother had trouble hitting them" luigi explained "and i used that advantage to get close enough to push him on his back. i had toadsworth sit on him so he wouldn't be able to get up while i twisted his balls. yoshi was just pissing on him for fun." mario high-fived yoshi and motioned for them to follow him through the next door. mario reached for the doorknob but then stopped. a thought occurred to him: their ballsacks were in too much danger. dangling freely between their legs, they were prime targets for hammers or even worse. "everyone get dressed" he ordered "we need to protect are ballsacks." luigi and toadsworth quickly complied but yoshi was beginning to cry. mario zipped up his overalls and walked over to yoshi. "sorry yoshi but you're just gonna have to be careful and watch out" he said. after making sure that no one had any visible testicles he opened the door and gasped at what he saw and smelled. squatting in a corner at the back of the room was none other than wario, taking a shit and surprised at the sudden entrance of mario and the others. "what the fuck are you doing here" mario and wario said at the same time. wario smirked and farted. "well after you told me to go away the other day i did just that. i came all the way to bowser's castle here and told him that you were on your way." mario was pissed now. he felt like ripping wario's dick off and shoving it down his throat, then waiting for wario to shit out and shoving it back up his ass. "yep i'm part of bowser's crew now" wario said with an evil grin, noticing mario's rising anger. "i'm his right hand man." his eyes moved to a red door on the wall and mario realized it must be the door to bowser. he sprinted to the door but wario threw a chunk of shit from his ass in front of mario, causing him to slip and fall backwards. mario cursed under his breath. he hadn't come here to fight wario but it seems as though he'll have to fight him in order to get to bowser. he got to his feet and turned to the others. "luigi, yoshi, let's kick some ass." luigi and yoshi ran over and joined mario. "whoa whoa whoa, hold the phone" wario said worriedly "three against one? that isn't fair." mario just glared at him and then turned to luigi and yoshi. "alright guys here's the plan" mario said "i'll attack from the front since i'm the strongest. luigi, you're a good jumper so you'll attack from above. yoshi, you attack wario from the rear. got it?" luigi and yoshi nodded and moved into position. yoshi ran around behind wario and began steadying his hardening cock as luigi jumped into the air and came down above wario with a hard kick, while mario ran at wario and aimed a punch into his gut. wario could only stand there as all three of their attacks landed at once. wario groaned and slumped to the ground unconscious. "wario was never a good fighter" mario said. he turned to the red door that marked the entrance to bowser's room. "that motherfucker's going down" he said. he walked to the door, pulled back his arm, and punched it. the door instantly crumbled to the ground. "BOWSER WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU" he screamed from the empty doorway. "mario!" a woman's voice called out. mario turned and saw them. princess peach, with a chain attached to the wall around her neck like a leash, was sitting naked on her hands and knees, tears in her eyes. and next to her, sitting on a throne with a cigar in his smirking mouth, was the king koopa himself. "well now, if it isn't mario and friends" said bowser, taking a puff from his cigar and blowing smoke rings into the air. "bowser you're gonna pay for what you've done" mario yelled. "oh don't worry about the princess. i haven't raped her too hard yet" bowser said. "i'm not here for the princess" mario said. peach gasped and began to silently weep. "i'm here to kick your ass for destroying the shit museum." bowser chuckled and flicked the ashes of his cigar onto peach's face. "i should have known. but if it's a fight you want then so be it." he stood to his feet. mario, luigi, and yoshi walked into the middle of the room. mario cracked his knuckles. luigi adjusted his crotch. yoshi fiddled around with his dick. bowser met them in the middle of the room and blew some smoke into mario's face. the fight was on. mario jumped up and kicked bowser in the chest with both his feet. bowser toppled over backwards as mario backflipped off of him. luigi aimed a punch at bowser's balls but bowser kicked him away and withdrew into his shell. yoshi wrapped his tongue around bowser and tossed him into a wall. the spikes of his shell dug deep into the wall and when he came out of his shell he realized he was stuck. mario dashed over and began one-two punching bowser repeatedly in the balls. bowser roared in pain but despite it all he managed to quickly grow a boner and smack mario away with it. mario staggered backwards a few steps and rubbed the side of his face where it had smacked him. "what amazing penis control he has" he said to himself "i was punching him in the balls but he managed to get an erection. this is not going to be an easy battle." bowser planted his hands and feet on the wall and pushed hard. the wall broke and he was free. he picked up his cigar from the floor and stuck it back in his mouth, taking a long drag from it. "well mario i see you guys still like to fight dirty" he said, rubbing his balls and glaring angrily at mario "but you seem to have forgotten i have balls stronger than those of you weak little humans." but while he was talking yoshi was sneaking up behind him. he reached between bowser's legs and gently gripped one of his ball hairs and looked at mario. mario winked at him, the signal to go ahead and pull. "what the fuck" bowser yelled "don't wink at me you little fa—YEOWW!" bowser screamed as yoshi plucked out the ball hair. yoshi jumped up and wang slapped bowser a couple times in the face, then landed on the ground and headbutted him in the nads. bowser doubled over in pain and yoshi wrapped his tongue around bowser's neck, tightening it and choking him. bowser frantically pulled at the tongue but it was to no avail. a yoshi's tongue cannot be pulled off of anything. he began to flail his arms about, clawing at the air until he managed to slash yoshi in the chest. yoshi cried out in pain and reeled in his tongue. bowser grabbed yoshi and threw him to the other side of the room, then threw back his head and roared loud. the room began to shake and bits of rock fell from the ceiling. "calm the fuck down" mario yelled. bowser turned his head to mario's direction with a look of extreme pissed off-ness and his cigar burst into flames. "uh nevermind" mario said quietly. "you know what mario" bowser said in an oddly calm voice "you've been a thorn in my side long enough. a pain in my ass. a tick on my dick. but now i'm going to kill you once and for all." "over my dead body" mario said. bowser grinned evilly and jumped in the air, then came down hard on his ass. a large crack spread across the room between mario's feet and branched out before parts of the floor crumbled down, revealing a sea of lava below and leaving only small platforms to stand on. mario managed to jump onto a platform but luigi was not as lucky. "AHHHH OW OW OW OW" he heard luigi scream. he looked over his shoulder to see luigi hopping out of the lava with his ass on fire. he landed on solid ground and quickly patted his ass to put out the fire. "you okay bro" mario asked. "well i'll live" luigi said, looking down at his charred and smoking ass. "sit the rest of this fight out luigi" mario said "i can handle bowser myself." luigi looked uneasy but nodded none the less, then reached into his pocket. "take this mario" he said "it's the last one." he tossed a fire flower over to mario. "thanks bro" he said with a grin, and reached into his overalls and stuck it up his ass. an aura of flames briefly surrounded him as the power of the flower activated. "you think you can take me on, one on one?" bowser asked. "damn right" mario said. he jumped in the air, kicked off the wall and flew above bowser. bowser took in a deep breath and aimed his mouth at mario. smoke rose from his nostrils as flames rose from deep in his throat. he shot a torrent of flames straight at mario, knowing full well that mario would not be able to dodge the flames in midair. mario quickly flipped himself around so that his ass faced bowser. he stuck his hand near his ass and made a fireball while simultaneously ripping a huge fart. the fart ignited, turning his asshole into a makeshift flamethrower. "been holdin this baby in all day" mario said. his flames collided with bowser's flames in midair, but mario's farty flames proved to be more powerful than bowser's. bowser became engulfed in flames and screamed in agony. "ingenious" toadsworth remarked from the sidelines with luigi "how clever he was to combine the firepower with the fartpower." "nah" luigi said "he does this sort of thing all the time at home." bowser fell down to his knees, burnt and smoldering. "his fart" he muttered "how could his fart be so powerful." mario landed in front of bowser and punched him in the face and kneed him in the nads. he pulled his overalls down and rubbed his ass down bowser's face, leaving a big sweaty poop mark. bowser could only groan and take his punishment. he fell flat on his stomach and grabbed his balls. his poor, aching balls. "any last words before you die" mario said. "yeah i got one" bowser said. he looked up into mario's eyes, snorted deeply and hocked a big old loogie straight onto mario's nose. mario's face turned red. "well i was just going to kill you quickly but i guess now it's gonna hurt." mario cracked his knuckles as he looked down at bowser, sending out little sparks with each crack. "i'm gonna burn you a new asshole" he said in a low voice. he grabbed bowser and shoved his fist down his throat and released a hard blast of flames that shot straight through his digestive tract and out his anus. bowser flailed around as molten shit seeped from between the flames coming out of his asshole. he bit down on mario's wrist but that didn't stop him from steadily increasing the amount of fire he was outputting, slowly causing bowser's asshole to burn bigger and bigger. bowser grabbed his dick and tried desperately to aim his piss onto his asshole in order to put out the flames but it was to no avail. twenty minutes later mario removed his hand from bowser's throat. "so bowser do you have anything you'd like to say before i kill you" mario said. "yeah i have something i'd like to say: FUCK Y'ALL" he screamed. "i see" mario said quietly. he bent down and grabbed bowser's dick with one hand and began stroking it. "hey what the fuck are you doing" bowser growled, his dick hardening. mario continued stroking it for five minutes until bowser was on the verge of cumming, then suddenly he gripped bowser's dick firmly with both hands and, with a sickening squishy crunching sound, snapped it in half. bowser howled in pain as a mixture of blood and semen dribbled out of his now "L"-shaped penis. across the room luigi and toadsworth winced and reflexively grabbed their own dicks. mario looked down on the bawling, shrieking bowser with a look of pity on his face. sure it was bowser's boner he had just broken, but even bowser didn't deserve pain such as this. "alright time to put you out of your misery" mario said solemnly. he grabbed bowser by the dick and, using it as a sort of handle, started pulling bowser in a circle. bowser's body dragged on the ground until mario built up enough speed to lift his body into the air. mario spun and spun, building up more speed until at last he let go of bowser's dick, tossing him out over the lava. "so long, gay bowser" mario yelled. bowser landed in the lava and let out a high pitched screech as his skin began to burn and melt off. soon all that remained of bowser was his bent dick sticking out of the lava. for a moment there was complete silence, then luigi began to cheer, yoshi began to jack off, and toadsworth jumped up and down. "master mario did it!" toadsworth shouted "master mario defeated king bowser!" mario pumped his fist into the air and jumped up. "FUCK YEAH BITCHES" he screamed. he jumped over to the others and exchanged high fives and pats on the butt. "we've finally done it, brother" luigi said, a single tear falling out of his eye and being absorbed into his mustache "after all these years we've finally finished off bowser." mario nodded and patted luigi on the shoulder. "come on guys, let's go home" he said and began walking out the door. "wait don't go" called a voice from the other side of the room. mario whirled around and formed a fireball in his hand and was about to throw it when he realized it was only the princess. "oh yeah i knew i forgot something" mario said. mario sighed and made his way over to the princess. using his firepower he melted the metal of the chain and the princess was free. "mario!" she cried in joy, hugging and kissing him. mario pushed her away and took a step back. "you're naked. don't touch me" he said, brushing off the parts of his clothes where her boobs and pussy had touched him. peach looked upset for a moment then sighed and rolled her eyes. mario grabbed her hand and pulled her back to the others with him. "oh my" toadsworth said as she joined them, blushing. yoshi was staring at peach's vagina with a look of fear on his face, memories of birdo flooding back into his mind. "don't worry yoshi" mario said to him "this one's safe." yoshi smiled weakly and allowed the princess to sit on his back. "alright everyone let's get the hell outta here" mario said. late that night they arrived back at toad town, capital of the mushroom kingdom. "it's so quiet and dark" whispered peach. "that's because it's fucking midnight" mario snapped. he was cranky because they had been walking for hours and toadsworth had forbidden them from masturbating in front of the princess. they made their way to the center of the city where peach's castle once stood. it was now a mess of rubble and dead toads. "home sweet home, eh peach?" mario said, poking a rather plump, naked, dead toad in the ass with the tip of his shoe. "come princess, we must visit your father at once and inform him of your arrival" toadsworth said. he turned to mario and added "you three may come as well." yoshi squealed and began rubbing his dick but mario punched him in the back of the head. "not that kind of come" he said. toadsworth led them to a house situated next to the fallen castle and knocked on the door. the door opened and king toadstool stood in the doorway, rubbing his eyes and yawning. mario noticed a porn video that was paused on his television set. "my king" toadsworth said, bowing "we have rescued your daughter from bowser." with that the king perked up and, after laying his eyes on his naked daughter, so did his cock. "my daughter has returned to me unharmed" he said, hugging peach. mario saw his dick go right into peach's pussy. peach let out a moan but then they quickly stopped hugging, glancing away from each other. "y-yes" stammered the king "come in everybody and tell me about this whole ordeal." they started walking in to the room with the television but he quickly pointed them into a different room and tried to block it from their view. and so mario and friends told the king about their whole adventure. they mentioned the fight with donkey kong, the scuttle with the angry sun, sneaking past bowser's army, fighting the ball-busting battle with the hammer bros, and facing bowser himself, leaving the king sitting on the edge of his seat, especially when peach tearfully began telling them about how bowser brutally raped her and forced her to eat her own shit. "well peach" he said after he had excused himself to the bathroom for ten minutes "you'll have to tell me more about your experiences later. right now i think we've all had long hard day. we'll get some rest and have a celebration tomorrow." the king walked peach to her bedroom and then shoved mario, luigi, toadsworth, and yoshi out the door. "sorry fellows but there's no room for you here" he said, then tossed a few blankets out. they slept in the cold night air in the king's front yard, mario using toadsworth as a pillow and luigi resting his head on yoshi's balls. mario awoke with a start early that morning to the king's sprinklers turning on and shooting a cold jet of water directly into his crotch. "LET ME AT HIM" he kept yelling as it took the combined efforts of luigi, yoshi, and toadsworth to keep him from going after the king. after mario had finally calmed down they went inside to get some breakfast. "good morning gentlemen" said the king, sitting at the breakfast table and reading the newspaper. he glanced at mario's wet crotch "mario i have bushes in my yard you know." mario muttered under his breath and grabbed a fistful of bacon and shoved it in his mouth. princess peach walked out of her room to join them, now fully clothed. when breakfast was finished they all walked down to the town square where king toadstool was to give his speech. the king walked up to his podium in the center of the city facing a huge crowd of toads. "my citizens" he began, hushing the chattering crowd instantly "this past week a terrible tragedy occurred within the city of toad town as i'm sure you all know. the princess's castle was destroyed and she was kidnapped by king bowser. when all hope seemed lost one brave group of heroes stepped out from the shadows and took this matter into their own hands. i give you mario, luigi, and yoshi." the crowd erupted in cheers and applause as the three of them stood up and joined the king. toadsworth was yelling something but it was lost in the deafening roar of the toads cheering and pulling their cocks out. "please keep your cocks securely within your pants" the king said "there will be plenty of time for that after the speech. thank you. and without further ado mario has a few words he would like to say." he stepped back and allowed mario to stand in front of the microphone. "thank you king toadstool" mario said. he cleared his throat and scratched his ass. he was never one to make big speeches. "yeah so i kicked bowser's ass and now he's dead" he said simply, and that was all that needed to be said. with that the toads tore off their clothes and began singing and dancing and masturbating and buttfucking, and this time there was no stopping them. the king sighed. "the street sweepers are gonna have to work overtime to take care of this mess" he said. mario watched the toads for a couple minutes, then turned away and nudged luigi and yoshi. "let's go home" he said "our work here is done." ONE YEAR LATER. there was a knock on the door, which mario walked over to answer. he opened the door to see princess peach and a baby carriage. "sup peach" said mario. "hello mario. i hope i'm not late." "nah" he said. he looked in the carriage and smiled at the baby. he had a green shell growing out of his back and two horns sticking out of the sides of his head. he had strands of red hair starting to grow out of his head and sharp claws on his fingers and toes. "and how's little mussolini doing?" mario said. "he's been a little cranky lately since his fangs are starting to come in" peach sighed. "so is everyone out back?" "yeah" mario said "luigi's barbecuing some burgers. i'll be out as soon as i get the sauce." mario opened the door to yoshi's room and walked up to his litter box where a coil of shit laid, attracting flies. mario bent down and held his hand a few inches from it and nodded approvingly; it was still warm. in order to make his special hamburger sauce, the shit has to be fresh so that it isn't too hard and crunchy, and only yoshi shit may be used. human shit is too bland and toad shit is too sugary. he grabbed the shit, brushed some litter off, and plopped it in a small pot filled with pee that had been sitting overnight. then he shook some salt and pepper on it and squirted some ketchup in and stirred it up for five minutes. "delicious" mario said after having a taste of the final concoction "aging the piss overnight definitely helps bring out the full flavor of the feces." he grabbed the pot and took it out back. mario brought the pot over to the barbecue where luigi was tending to the burgers. luigi stuck his finger in the sauce and licked it. "very good. thanks bro" he said, and began to slather it on the burgers. mario looked out into the yard at all the guests having a good time. toadsworth was sitting on a stump, holding a twig and telling a group of mesmerized toad children about how mario had beaten bowser. "…and then he grabbed bowser's penis with both hands, one at the base and the other below the head like this, and snapped the thing in half!" he snapped the twig and the children screamed and ran away, holding their little penises as if they were worried that theirs too would be snapped in half. farther back the princess was breastfeeding baby mussolini and wincing as his fang bit down on her nipple. other miscellaneous people were doing things too. "alright everyone the burgers are done" luigi announced. there was a sudden rush to be the first one to get to the burgers and mario's famous sauce. once everyone had gotten their burgers mario shouted for everyone to shut up so he could say something. "well guys it's been one year exactly since i kicked bowser's ass and sent him to hell." everyone began cheering but mario raised his hand and they all stopped. "yeah it was pretty cool, i know. but anyway, just think about all i've done for the kingdom. i rescued that bitch of a princess like a million times. uh no offense peach" he added, seeing the glare the princess was giving him. "hell just think of all the things i did last year. i rescued you all from birdo and his insane prices. i got that faggot wario locked up in jail" officer peters and officer johnson tipped their hats at mario "and then kicked his ass later after he escaped jail and teamed up with bowser. i pissed out a fucking sun. i ended a twenty year rivalry with my mortal enemy donkey kong. and of course i killed bowser." "what the hell is your point" someone yelled. "my burger's getting cold!" "my point" said mario "is that i'm fucking awesome." and with that he whistled for yoshi and the two of them began to walk into the house. "wait a minute mario where are you going" asked luigi. mario looked over his shoulder back at luigi. "i gotta take a shit." THE END.


End file.
